WASHINGTON STATE ATTORNEY SEASON AND BAG LIMITS
1300.01 GENERAL
- Any person with a valid Washington State hunting license may harvest attorneys.
- Taking of attorneys with traps or deadfalls is permitted. The use of currency as bait is prohibited.
- Killing of attorneys with a vehicle is prohibited. If accidentally struck, remove dead attorney to roadside and proceed to nearest car wash.
- It is unlawful to chase, herd, or harvest attorneys from a snow machine, helicopter, or aircraft.
- It shall be unlawful to shout "whiplash", "ambulance", or "free Perrier" for the purpose of trapping attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 100 yards of BMW dealerships.
- It shall be unlawful to use cocaine, young boys, $100 bills, prostitutes, or vehicle accidents to attract attorneys.
- It shall be unlawful to hunt attorneys within 200 yards of courtrooms, law libraries, whorehouses, health spas, gay bars, ambulances, or hospitals.
- If an attorney is elected to government office, it shall be a felony to hunt, trap, or possess it.
- Stuffed or mounted attorneys must have a state health department inspection for AIDS, rabies, and vermin.
- It shall be illegal for a hunter to disguise himself as a reporter, drug dealer, pimp, female legal clerk, sheep, accident victim, bookie, or tax accountant for the purpose of hunting attorneys.
BAG LIMITS
- Yellow Bellied Sidewinder: 2
- Two-faced Tort Feasor: 1
- Back-stabbing Divorce Litigator: 4
- Small-breasted Ball Buster (Female only): 3
- Big-mouthed Pub Gut: 2
- Honest Attorney: EXTINCT
- Cut-throat: 2
- Back-stabbing Whiner: 2
- Brown-nosed Judge Kisser: 2
- Silver-tongued Drug Defender: $100 BOUNTY
- Hairy-assed Civil Libertarian: 7
Lawyer Riddles
Q: What do you call 5000 dead lawyers at the bottom of the ocean?
A: A good start!
Q: How can you tell when a lawyer is lying?
A: His lips are moving.
Q: What's the difference between a dead skunk in the road and a dead lawyer in the road?
A: There are skid marks in front of the skunk.
Q: Why won't sharks attack lawyers?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: What do have when a lawyer is buried up to his neck in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Q. What do you buy a friend graduating from Law School?
A. A Lobotomy.
Q. How do you save five drowning lawyers?
A. Who cares?
Q. What do you call a block of cement containing ten lawyers?
A. A waste of cement.
Q: How do you stop a lawyer from drowning?
A1: Shoot him before he hits the water.
A2: Take your foot off his head.
A3: Excuse me, I don´t understand the point of the question.
Q: How do you get a lawyer out of a tree?
A: Cut the rope.
Q: What do you do if you run over a Lawyer?
A1: Back over him to make sure.
A2: Make another notch on the steering wheel.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a bucket of shit?
A: The bucket.
Q: What is the definition of a shame (as in "that's a shame")?
A: When a bus load of lawyers goes off a cliff.
Q: What is the definition of a "crying shame"?
A: There was an empty seat.
Q: What can a goose do, a duck can't, and a lawyer should?
A: Stick his bill up his ass.
Q: What do you get when you cross the Godfather with a lawyer?
A: An offer you can't understand.
Q: Why is it that many lawyers have broken noses?
A: From chasing parked ambulances.
Q: Where can you find a good lawyer?
A: In the cemetery.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a gigolo?
A: A gigolo only screws one person at a time.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a vampire?
A: A vampire only sucks blood at night.
Q: Why to lawyers wear neckties?
A: To keep the foreskin from crawling up their chins.
Q: What`s the difference between a hooker and a lawyer?
A: A hooker will stop fucking you when you're dead.
Q: If you see a lawyer on a bicycle, why don't you swerve to hit him?
A: It might be your bicycle.
Q: What do lawyers use as contraceptives?
A: Their personalities.
Q: What's black and tan and looks good on a lawyer?
A: A doberman.
Q: Why are lawyers buried 12 feet underground?
A: Deep down their good.
Q: What's the difference between a catfish and a lawyer?
A: One's a slimy scum-sucking scavenger, the other is just a fish.
Q: Why are lawyers great in bed?
A: They get so much practice screwing people.
Q: What's the difference between a lawyer and a herd of buffalo?
A: The lawyer charges more.
Q: What is the difference between a lawyer and a rooster?
A: When a rooster wakes up in the
morning, its primal urge is to cluck defiance.
Q: What do you get when you cross a pig with a lawyer?
A: Nothing, there are some things that even a pig won't do.
Q: Why didn't the doctor (any other misc. profession) pay the rent on his outhouse?
A: He didn't like the lawyer living downstairs.