A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
Sexology lessons with a teen
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
Story
/
Hi I am Kavya again. I am very happy with all of you replied me well enough to appreciate my first story “tennis coaching”. This time I will share an erotic story which happened between me and my friend’s younger brother.
His name is Varun and he is the younger brother of my friend Varuna. Varuna and I are friends for a long time. She is my classmate. I usually like to visit her home and I go there many times before. We used to chat there more and more time as we can possible.
Sometimes we invite Varun to give company to us. We are now on the age of 20 and he is on 18. He is a very glamorous boy with white skin. I enjoyed his company not only in an ordinary way but also in a sexually way.
I showed my boobs to him many times without knowing to Varuna, but I don’t know whether he see it or not. I looked at him with sexy thoughts and used to peep into his internal beauty of his body. But I am very vigilant to hide my bad thoughts from him and my friend.
Ok, let’s come to our story. One day I went to Varuna’s house to go to shopping with her. (UN) fortunately she is not there. There was only Varun in the house. Because others were went to a marriage function. I decided to talk with him some time.
We sit in the drawing room and chat for some time and talk about various topics. Slowly I came into sex. I asked about his sex life. But he was embarrassed and stops the talk. I think he is not interested in sex. And he acted like he is like to go somewhere.
I decided to go back. I get out from the house and walk to the bus stand. (un) fortunately rain comes and I can’t go to bus stand. I decided to go back to Varun. When I reached there I am very wet and my green sari is more transparent now.
It sticks in my body because of its wetness. My sleeveless blouse is wet and any one can see my black bra under it. I entered the house and pressed calling bell. He was surprised with my return and look like shy with my sexy look.
His shyness makes me hot and inspired me to make some sexy tricks. I shake my head and the water drops fall on his face from my hair. And I acted like I am shivering with the wetness, but who knows I am get more hotly in my mind in this situation.
I placed my hand in my shoulders crossly to hide my boobs. (It’s a new trick to wake up his sexy thoughts). I asked him to give a room to stay for dry my dress and I told him that I will go back after the rain.
He muttered something and led me in to the second floor and shows me a room. He let me there and goes back. But he peeped to my back side when I get in the room. I don’t close the door completely. He went to see the TV.
I peeped to the TV and see that he listen to a seminude film. I understand that he is melting for sex now very well. I planed a trick to fell him down in my net and fuck him. Would you like to know what the trick is? That is the next passage. I undressed my sari.
And now I only wear my wet blouse and ‘pavada’. I went to in front of him. Suddenly he switched off the TV. And he wondered and became shy with see me half-naked (without sari). I acted like I don’t see his shyness and asked him to give me a sari of his sister to wear.
Suddenly he come back to his conscious mind and come with me to the room. I see a bulging in his lungi. He entered the room and opens the cupboard and searched for a sari. I start to unhook my blouse. I open one hook. I do it in his backside.
But he sees my great boobs in the mirror. He turns back with a yellow sari. And he gives it to me. He gets out from the room. But I don’t close the door. I unhooked my second hook of my blouse. Suddenly a hand placed in my shoulder. I know that is Varun.
But I acted fear ness when turn back. I know my wish could be done within minutes. But I asked him with angry (another trick) that “what he is doing”. And I told that I am elder than him and please see me like his sister. But he doesn’t care my words.
And moves his hands down and wrapped my stomach. I made a weak try to break his hands. But he is strongly tied me. Then I shows the co-operate mind to him. He takes the right hand from there and circled my navel.
I fell into a great emotion and murmured “ah…oh…..varun…. I like it…please do more …ah.” These sounds make him hotter. He calls me “kavya chacheee…..”, he placed one hand on my left boob and tried to unhook my blouse. I help him to do it.
Now I only wear a black bra. He cares my boobs some more time. Then he untied my pavada and kisses my back of my neck. He is an amazing sexy boy. He slowly bit my ears. Then he placed my wet hair on his face and chest. He completely removes my dresses.
Then he licks my soft legs. After that he uses his tongue to lick my navel and boobs. He is really incredible. I moaned like a baby”amaah…..” Now his lance (his milk gun) bulging strongly. He takes it in his hand. “Oh…” I never ever had seen such a big one.
Mohan’s (the first man who fuck me) device is little smaller than this one. Its top edge seems like a big red ruby. He performed masturbation for me. Then he bit my nose. I closed my eyes with the great feelings. Then he takes some wine and pours it on my whole body.
He licks my whole body. Then he placed the penis on the gap between my boobs. It became harder. He takes it back and starts the fucking. He pushes his device to my wet pussy. The slow work became harder, hotter, and faster.
Wow, it is amazing. Then I start my works. First I caress his hairs and massage his back. Then I use some oil and give him a sexual massage. I massage his body and move my hand through his backbone. He feels the pleasure.
Then we had an amazing, incredible, wonderful 2 hour of fucking. After the fucking we decided to take a bath together. That is the greatest bath in my whole life. First I washed him. I soaped him and massage him. Then he washed me.
Absolutely he washes me like a baby bath. He rubbed my whole body. He use soap to clean not only my face but also the sexual devices like boobs, pussy etc. He sucks my breasts. And he massages and rubs it. The bath takes one and a half hour.
Then we wear our dresses. I smiled at him. When I stepped out the home Varuna and her parents came there. I spend some more time there with her. Then I go back to my house. But the incident is the most memorable in my life.
Again many times I go her house. But no sexual incidents after that with Varun. But I allow him to caress my boobs without to see anyone. The incident not affected the healthy relation with my friend. I give sexy smiles to him every time when I saw him.
His name is Varun and he is the younger brother of my friend Varuna. Varuna and I are friends for a long time. She is my classmate. I usually like to visit her home and I go there many times before. We used to chat there more and more time as we can possible.
Sometimes we invite Varun to give company to us. We are now on the age of 20 and he is on 18. He is a very glamorous boy with white skin. I enjoyed his company not only in an ordinary way but also in a sexually way.
I showed my boobs to him many times without knowing to Varuna, but I don’t know whether he see it or not. I looked at him with sexy thoughts and used to peep into his internal beauty of his body. But I am very vigilant to hide my bad thoughts from him and my friend.
Ok, let’s come to our story. One day I went to Varuna’s house to go to shopping with her. (UN) fortunately she is not there. There was only Varun in the house. Because others were went to a marriage function. I decided to talk with him some time.
We sit in the drawing room and chat for some time and talk about various topics. Slowly I came into sex. I asked about his sex life. But he was embarrassed and stops the talk. I think he is not interested in sex. And he acted like he is like to go somewhere.
I decided to go back. I get out from the house and walk to the bus stand. (un) fortunately rain comes and I can’t go to bus stand. I decided to go back to Varun. When I reached there I am very wet and my green sari is more transparent now.
It sticks in my body because of its wetness. My sleeveless blouse is wet and any one can see my black bra under it. I entered the house and pressed calling bell. He was surprised with my return and look like shy with my sexy look.
His shyness makes me hot and inspired me to make some sexy tricks. I shake my head and the water drops fall on his face from my hair. And I acted like I am shivering with the wetness, but who knows I am get more hotly in my mind in this situation.
I placed my hand in my shoulders crossly to hide my boobs. (It’s a new trick to wake up his sexy thoughts). I asked him to give a room to stay for dry my dress and I told him that I will go back after the rain.
He muttered something and led me in to the second floor and shows me a room. He let me there and goes back. But he peeped to my back side when I get in the room. I don’t close the door completely. He went to see the TV.
I peeped to the TV and see that he listen to a seminude film. I understand that he is melting for sex now very well. I planed a trick to fell him down in my net and fuck him. Would you like to know what the trick is? That is the next passage. I undressed my sari.
And now I only wear my wet blouse and ‘pavada’. I went to in front of him. Suddenly he switched off the TV. And he wondered and became shy with see me half-naked (without sari). I acted like I don’t see his shyness and asked him to give me a sari of his sister to wear.
Suddenly he come back to his conscious mind and come with me to the room. I see a bulging in his lungi. He entered the room and opens the cupboard and searched for a sari. I start to unhook my blouse. I open one hook. I do it in his backside.
But he sees my great boobs in the mirror. He turns back with a yellow sari. And he gives it to me. He gets out from the room. But I don’t close the door. I unhooked my second hook of my blouse. Suddenly a hand placed in my shoulder. I know that is Varun.
But I acted fear ness when turn back. I know my wish could be done within minutes. But I asked him with angry (another trick) that “what he is doing”. And I told that I am elder than him and please see me like his sister. But he doesn’t care my words.
And moves his hands down and wrapped my stomach. I made a weak try to break his hands. But he is strongly tied me. Then I shows the co-operate mind to him. He takes the right hand from there and circled my navel.
I fell into a great emotion and murmured “ah…oh…..varun…. I like it…please do more …ah.” These sounds make him hotter. He calls me “kavya chacheee…..”, he placed one hand on my left boob and tried to unhook my blouse. I help him to do it.
Now I only wear a black bra. He cares my boobs some more time. Then he untied my pavada and kisses my back of my neck. He is an amazing sexy boy. He slowly bit my ears. Then he placed my wet hair on his face and chest. He completely removes my dresses.
Then he licks my soft legs. After that he uses his tongue to lick my navel and boobs. He is really incredible. I moaned like a baby”amaah…..” Now his lance (his milk gun) bulging strongly. He takes it in his hand. “Oh…” I never ever had seen such a big one.
Mohan’s (the first man who fuck me) device is little smaller than this one. Its top edge seems like a big red ruby. He performed masturbation for me. Then he bit my nose. I closed my eyes with the great feelings. Then he takes some wine and pours it on my whole body.
He licks my whole body. Then he placed the penis on the gap between my boobs. It became harder. He takes it back and starts the fucking. He pushes his device to my wet pussy. The slow work became harder, hotter, and faster.
Wow, it is amazing. Then I start my works. First I caress his hairs and massage his back. Then I use some oil and give him a sexual massage. I massage his body and move my hand through his backbone. He feels the pleasure.
Then we had an amazing, incredible, wonderful 2 hour of fucking. After the fucking we decided to take a bath together. That is the greatest bath in my whole life. First I washed him. I soaped him and massage him. Then he washed me.
Absolutely he washes me like a baby bath. He rubbed my whole body. He use soap to clean not only my face but also the sexual devices like boobs, pussy etc. He sucks my breasts. And he massages and rubs it. The bath takes one and a half hour.
Then we wear our dresses. I smiled at him. When I stepped out the home Varuna and her parents came there. I spend some more time there with her. Then I go back to my house. But the incident is the most memorable in my life.
Again many times I go her house. But no sexual incidents after that with Varun. But I allow him to caress my boobs without to see anyone. The incident not affected the healthy relation with my friend. I give sexy smiles to him every time when I saw him.
Guy getting three wishes from genie
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks.
The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
Man buying drink for lesbians
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
Mind your accent funny chat
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
Root of problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!