A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
Sexology lessons with a teen
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
Story
/
Hi I am Kavya again. I am very happy with all of you replied me well enough to appreciate my first story “tennis coaching”. This time I will share an erotic story which happened between me and my friend’s younger brother.
His name is Varun and he is the younger brother of my friend Varuna. Varuna and I are friends for a long time. She is my classmate. I usually like to visit her home and I go there many times before. We used to chat there more and more time as we can possible.
Sometimes we invite Varun to give company to us. We are now on the age of 20 and he is on 18. He is a very glamorous boy with white skin. I enjoyed his company not only in an ordinary way but also in a sexually way.
I showed my boobs to him many times without knowing to Varuna, but I don’t know whether he see it or not. I looked at him with sexy thoughts and used to peep into his internal beauty of his body. But I am very vigilant to hide my bad thoughts from him and my friend.
Ok, let’s come to our story. One day I went to Varuna’s house to go to shopping with her. (UN) fortunately she is not there. There was only Varun in the house. Because others were went to a marriage function. I decided to talk with him some time.
We sit in the drawing room and chat for some time and talk about various topics. Slowly I came into sex. I asked about his sex life. But he was embarrassed and stops the talk. I think he is not interested in sex. And he acted like he is like to go somewhere.
I decided to go back. I get out from the house and walk to the bus stand. (un) fortunately rain comes and I can’t go to bus stand. I decided to go back to Varun. When I reached there I am very wet and my green sari is more transparent now.
It sticks in my body because of its wetness. My sleeveless blouse is wet and any one can see my black bra under it. I entered the house and pressed calling bell. He was surprised with my return and look like shy with my sexy look.
His shyness makes me hot and inspired me to make some sexy tricks. I shake my head and the water drops fall on his face from my hair. And I acted like I am shivering with the wetness, but who knows I am get more hotly in my mind in this situation.
I placed my hand in my shoulders crossly to hide my boobs. (It’s a new trick to wake up his sexy thoughts). I asked him to give a room to stay for dry my dress and I told him that I will go back after the rain.
He muttered something and led me in to the second floor and shows me a room. He let me there and goes back. But he peeped to my back side when I get in the room. I don’t close the door completely. He went to see the TV.
I peeped to the TV and see that he listen to a seminude film. I understand that he is melting for sex now very well. I planed a trick to fell him down in my net and fuck him. Would you like to know what the trick is? That is the next passage. I undressed my sari.
And now I only wear my wet blouse and ‘pavada’. I went to in front of him. Suddenly he switched off the TV. And he wondered and became shy with see me half-naked (without sari). I acted like I don’t see his shyness and asked him to give me a sari of his sister to wear.
Suddenly he come back to his conscious mind and come with me to the room. I see a bulging in his lungi. He entered the room and opens the cupboard and searched for a sari. I start to unhook my blouse. I open one hook. I do it in his backside.
But he sees my great boobs in the mirror. He turns back with a yellow sari. And he gives it to me. He gets out from the room. But I don’t close the door. I unhooked my second hook of my blouse. Suddenly a hand placed in my shoulder. I know that is Varun.
But I acted fear ness when turn back. I know my wish could be done within minutes. But I asked him with angry (another trick) that “what he is doing”. And I told that I am elder than him and please see me like his sister. But he doesn’t care my words.
And moves his hands down and wrapped my stomach. I made a weak try to break his hands. But he is strongly tied me. Then I shows the co-operate mind to him. He takes the right hand from there and circled my navel.
I fell into a great emotion and murmured “ah…oh…..varun…. I like it…please do more …ah.” These sounds make him hotter. He calls me “kavya chacheee…..”, he placed one hand on my left boob and tried to unhook my blouse. I help him to do it.
Now I only wear a black bra. He cares my boobs some more time. Then he untied my pavada and kisses my back of my neck. He is an amazing sexy boy. He slowly bit my ears. Then he placed my wet hair on his face and chest. He completely removes my dresses.
Then he licks my soft legs. After that he uses his tongue to lick my navel and boobs. He is really incredible. I moaned like a baby”amaah…..” Now his lance (his milk gun) bulging strongly. He takes it in his hand. “Oh…” I never ever had seen such a big one.
Mohan’s (the first man who fuck me) device is little smaller than this one. Its top edge seems like a big red ruby. He performed masturbation for me. Then he bit my nose. I closed my eyes with the great feelings. Then he takes some wine and pours it on my whole body.
He licks my whole body. Then he placed the penis on the gap between my boobs. It became harder. He takes it back and starts the fucking. He pushes his device to my wet pussy. The slow work became harder, hotter, and faster.
Wow, it is amazing. Then I start my works. First I caress his hairs and massage his back. Then I use some oil and give him a sexual massage. I massage his body and move my hand through his backbone. He feels the pleasure.
Then we had an amazing, incredible, wonderful 2 hour of fucking. After the fucking we decided to take a bath together. That is the greatest bath in my whole life. First I washed him. I soaped him and massage him. Then he washed me.
Absolutely he washes me like a baby bath. He rubbed my whole body. He use soap to clean not only my face but also the sexual devices like boobs, pussy etc. He sucks my breasts. And he massages and rubs it. The bath takes one and a half hour.
Then we wear our dresses. I smiled at him. When I stepped out the home Varuna and her parents came there. I spend some more time there with her. Then I go back to my house. But the incident is the most memorable in my life.
Again many times I go her house. But no sexual incidents after that with Varun. But I allow him to caress my boobs without to see anyone. The incident not affected the healthy relation with my friend. I give sexy smiles to him every time when I saw him.
His name is Varun and he is the younger brother of my friend Varuna. Varuna and I are friends for a long time. She is my classmate. I usually like to visit her home and I go there many times before. We used to chat there more and more time as we can possible.
Sometimes we invite Varun to give company to us. We are now on the age of 20 and he is on 18. He is a very glamorous boy with white skin. I enjoyed his company not only in an ordinary way but also in a sexually way.
I showed my boobs to him many times without knowing to Varuna, but I don’t know whether he see it or not. I looked at him with sexy thoughts and used to peep into his internal beauty of his body. But I am very vigilant to hide my bad thoughts from him and my friend.
Ok, let’s come to our story. One day I went to Varuna’s house to go to shopping with her. (UN) fortunately she is not there. There was only Varun in the house. Because others were went to a marriage function. I decided to talk with him some time.
We sit in the drawing room and chat for some time and talk about various topics. Slowly I came into sex. I asked about his sex life. But he was embarrassed and stops the talk. I think he is not interested in sex. And he acted like he is like to go somewhere.
I decided to go back. I get out from the house and walk to the bus stand. (un) fortunately rain comes and I can’t go to bus stand. I decided to go back to Varun. When I reached there I am very wet and my green sari is more transparent now.
It sticks in my body because of its wetness. My sleeveless blouse is wet and any one can see my black bra under it. I entered the house and pressed calling bell. He was surprised with my return and look like shy with my sexy look.
His shyness makes me hot and inspired me to make some sexy tricks. I shake my head and the water drops fall on his face from my hair. And I acted like I am shivering with the wetness, but who knows I am get more hotly in my mind in this situation.
I placed my hand in my shoulders crossly to hide my boobs. (It’s a new trick to wake up his sexy thoughts). I asked him to give a room to stay for dry my dress and I told him that I will go back after the rain.
He muttered something and led me in to the second floor and shows me a room. He let me there and goes back. But he peeped to my back side when I get in the room. I don’t close the door completely. He went to see the TV.
I peeped to the TV and see that he listen to a seminude film. I understand that he is melting for sex now very well. I planed a trick to fell him down in my net and fuck him. Would you like to know what the trick is? That is the next passage. I undressed my sari.
And now I only wear my wet blouse and ‘pavada’. I went to in front of him. Suddenly he switched off the TV. And he wondered and became shy with see me half-naked (without sari). I acted like I don’t see his shyness and asked him to give me a sari of his sister to wear.
Suddenly he come back to his conscious mind and come with me to the room. I see a bulging in his lungi. He entered the room and opens the cupboard and searched for a sari. I start to unhook my blouse. I open one hook. I do it in his backside.
But he sees my great boobs in the mirror. He turns back with a yellow sari. And he gives it to me. He gets out from the room. But I don’t close the door. I unhooked my second hook of my blouse. Suddenly a hand placed in my shoulder. I know that is Varun.
But I acted fear ness when turn back. I know my wish could be done within minutes. But I asked him with angry (another trick) that “what he is doing”. And I told that I am elder than him and please see me like his sister. But he doesn’t care my words.
And moves his hands down and wrapped my stomach. I made a weak try to break his hands. But he is strongly tied me. Then I shows the co-operate mind to him. He takes the right hand from there and circled my navel.
I fell into a great emotion and murmured “ah…oh…..varun…. I like it…please do more …ah.” These sounds make him hotter. He calls me “kavya chacheee…..”, he placed one hand on my left boob and tried to unhook my blouse. I help him to do it.
Now I only wear a black bra. He cares my boobs some more time. Then he untied my pavada and kisses my back of my neck. He is an amazing sexy boy. He slowly bit my ears. Then he placed my wet hair on his face and chest. He completely removes my dresses.
Then he licks my soft legs. After that he uses his tongue to lick my navel and boobs. He is really incredible. I moaned like a baby”amaah…..” Now his lance (his milk gun) bulging strongly. He takes it in his hand. “Oh…” I never ever had seen such a big one.
Mohan’s (the first man who fuck me) device is little smaller than this one. Its top edge seems like a big red ruby. He performed masturbation for me. Then he bit my nose. I closed my eyes with the great feelings. Then he takes some wine and pours it on my whole body.
He licks my whole body. Then he placed the penis on the gap between my boobs. It became harder. He takes it back and starts the fucking. He pushes his device to my wet pussy. The slow work became harder, hotter, and faster.
Wow, it is amazing. Then I start my works. First I caress his hairs and massage his back. Then I use some oil and give him a sexual massage. I massage his body and move my hand through his backbone. He feels the pleasure.
Then we had an amazing, incredible, wonderful 2 hour of fucking. After the fucking we decided to take a bath together. That is the greatest bath in my whole life. First I washed him. I soaped him and massage him. Then he washed me.
Absolutely he washes me like a baby bath. He rubbed my whole body. He use soap to clean not only my face but also the sexual devices like boobs, pussy etc. He sucks my breasts. And he massages and rubs it. The bath takes one and a half hour.
Then we wear our dresses. I smiled at him. When I stepped out the home Varuna and her parents came there. I spend some more time there with her. Then I go back to my house. But the incident is the most memorable in my life.
Again many times I go her house. But no sexual incidents after that with Varun. But I allow him to caress my boobs without to see anyone. The incident not affected the healthy relation with my friend. I give sexy smiles to him every time when I saw him.
Guy getting three wishes from genie
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
A guy walks into a bar with two lovely blondes leaning on his shoulders with dewy looks in their eyes, and a dwarf who's only two feet tall. He orders drinks for himself and his companions, paying from a fat roll of twenty-dollar bills. The dwarf jumps up on the bar, and runs up and down the whole length of the bar kicking over everybody's drinks.
The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
The bartender and the other patrons are rather perturbed by this, but the guy says, "Never mind, I'll buy a fresh round of drinks for everybody," pulling out more twenties.
As soon as the bartender has finished setting everybody up again, the dwarf jumps back up on the bar and kicks over everybody's drinks again. The bartender says, "That's it: you and your friends, out!"
The guy says, "Never mind, just set everybody up again, and I'll control the dwarf this time, and I'll pay for it, and here's an extra twenty for your trouble."
The bartender says, "OK, but I don't understand why you put up with him."
The guy says, "It happened like this. I found an old oil lamp, and being superstitious I rubbed it, and sure enough, out came a genie and granted me three wishes. I asked for a roll of twenties that would never end: POOF, there it was. I asked for two lovely blonde women, one for each arm, who are totally devoted to me: POOF, there they were. So finally I asked for a two-foot prick: POOF, there he was."
Man buying drink for lesbians
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
This man is sitting in a bar and notices two lovely women across the way. He calls the bartender over and says, "I'd like to buy those two ladies a drink."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
The bartender replies, "It won't do you any good."
The man, with a confused look on his face says, "It doesn't matter, I want to buy those women a drink."
The bartender delivers the drinks to the ladies and the ladies acknowledge the drink with a nod of their heads. About a half-hour later, the man approaches the women and says, "I'd like to buy you two another drink."
The women both reply, "It won't do you any good."
The man says, "I don't understand. What do you mean it won't do me any good?"
The first lady says, "We're lesbians."
The man replies, "Lesbians? What are lesbians?"
The second woman replies, "Lesbians... We like to lick pussys."
The man says, "Bartender, three beers for us lesbians."
Mind your accent funny chat
Posted by
ronitvm
Labels:
joke
/
Root of problem: The chinese name - Annie Wan (Anyone)
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
Caller: Hello, can I speak to Annie Wan? (anyone)
Operator: Yes, you can speak to me.
Caller: No, I want to speak to Annie Wan!
Operator: You are talking to someone! Who is this?
Caller: I'm Sam Wan (someone) And I need to talk to Annie Wan! It's urgent.
Operator: I know you are someone and you want to talk to anyone! But what's this urgent matter about ?
Caller: Well... just tell my sister Annie Wan that our brother Noel Wan (no one) was involved in an accident. Noel Wan got injured and now Noel Wan is being sent to the hospital. Right now, Avery Wan is on his way to the hospital.
Operator: Look if no one was injured and no one was sent to the hospital, then the accident isn't an urgent matter! You may find this hilarious but I don't have time for this!
Caller: You are so rude! Who are you?
Operator: I'm Saw Lee. (sorry)
Caller: Yes! You should be sorry. Now give me your name!!
The Insurance Man
Posted by
ronitvm
on Tuesday, February 26, 2008
/
My name is Lynne, I am a fifty year old married woman and the other day I did something that I would never have dreamed of doing. My husband Don had made an appointment with an insurance man to come and dicuss with us a new personal insurance policy for us both.
When he arrived we sat at one end of our long living room with the two kids watching television at the other, they were grown up but still living at home, the boy was twenty and the girl eighteen. Don sat the bloke down opposite us, he was, I would guess, in his mid thirties, very good looking and self assured. He had an incredible and unanticipated effect on me, he oozed sexual energy and my body reacted to seeing him immediately. I was astonished, there was I, as I thought a staid, matronly woman having sexual thrills from a man I could only see! The discussion was excessively boring and, about halfway through, I asked if our visitor would like a cup of tea or coffee, he elected for the latter and I went into the kitchen to make it. While the kettle was boiling I slipped into the toilet in the hall to spend a penny, while there I took my pants off. What made me do it? I have no idea.
I went back with cups of coffee for the three of us and sat down opposite this gorgeous young man again. I had noticed that he was paying me quite a lot of attention and now this continued. Gradually, as we talked, I let my legs sag apart. His eyes immediatel took in what he could see. I didn't know really how much I was showing so ended up with my legs well apart. After a couple of hours discussion he said that he would work out a plan to suit what we wanted and drop it in a couple of days later. Leaving he shook my hand, or I really should say gently squeezed it in a suggestive mannner. He asked when he could drop the documentation in and I told him anytime as I was home all the time, he smiled and left. Don and I didn't really discuss anything and he apparently didn't notice me opening my legs for the young man.
Two days later there was a ring at the door bell and, answering the door there stood the insurance man. I invited him in. It was a very hot day and, in addition anticipating his call, all I had on was a button through cotton dress. I should tell you that although I'm fifty I still have a good figure and as I moved I knew my nipples would be tracing patterns on the front of the thin material. I invited him into the kitchen and suggested that we had a coffee, once I had made it I sat him opposite me, both of us sitting on those high stools people have in a kitchen. Somehow my legs were parted and as we chatted I saw him looking up my skirt. I asked him what made him want to be an insurance man, his reply was that he enjoyed calling on attractive women like myself. Quite apart from my nipples, which were already erected, I could feel my fanny developing in response to his animal magnetism. 'Go on,' I said, I bet you say that to all the women!'
'Only the attractive ones!', was his response.
'Yes, I can imagine that you don't go without!' I teased him.
'Actually, it can be quite difficult, it only needs one complaint if I overstep the mark and I'd be sacked.' he said.
'Well, you needn't worry about that here. Tell me what's your first name?'.
'Mark,' he responded, 'and you have the most beautiful legs that I've seen in a long time!'
'Oh, I've noticed you looking!'
'Yes! And I've noticed that you don't like wearing pants! You've really got me going!'.
'How long do you have?' I asked.
'Long enough,' he replied getting aff his stool. He came over to me and picked me up from my stool, 'where's the bedroom?' he asked. He carried me down the passage and into the room I indicated. By the time he set me down I had my dress unbuttoned and I let it drop to the floor. He stared. I'm what they would call a 'faded blonde' I suppose and I had virtually no pubic hair, as by now I was in a state of some excitement it was obvious that he could see my fanny. 'What a beautiful cunt!', he said. He undressed quickly exhibiting the nicest looking cock I had ever seen, it was about eight inches long and thick with it. He eased me onto the bed crossways, knelt, pulled my legs up over his shoulders and applied his mouth to my fanny. Fancy having one's cunt kissed before one's mouth! But he certainly knew what he was doing. First he kissed my lips, then his tongue traced first them, then my inner ones, he licked around inside the mouth of my cunt, thrust his tongue in my hole and fucked me with it before finally teasing my clit unmercifully. I had a huge shuddering orgasm. I hadn't come in years and now I yearned for him to enter me. He didn't waste any time, first reaarranging me on the bed he mounted me and I felt his big cock nudging inside, I put my hand down and positioned it for him and he thrust it straight up me as far as it would go. It felt huge, I'd never had a cock that big in me in my life and every stroke thrilled me beyond measure. I had never come whilst being fucked before, but now I did, almost constantly it seemed. I just let him use me, glorying in the feel of his lovely cock as it did it's work and coming on and off all the time. He also fucked me for longer than I had ever been fucked before, my juices flowed as never before too. We were both sloppy with my love-juice long before he finally came and shot spurt after spurt of his lovely come deep inside my cunt. I lay exhausted beneath him, the shudders and thrills of my orgasm gradually dying away.
Eventually he rolled off, I kissed him, 'I've never been fucked like that in my life,' I told him.
He smiled sleepily, 'If you want to be fucked again for even longer, just suck my cock and get it hard!'
I couldn't believe it, but I did as he said and sure enough he did exactly as he said he would. The taste of my love-juice and his spunk as I sucked his cock made me want more even though there was spunk and love-juice all over my thighs and stomach, bum too if it comes to that. I had never felt so sexy and I let him do me as he wanted just lying there and enjoying the best sex I had ever had.
We cleaned up after that, my legs were all wobbly but he didn't seem fazed at all, I told him that I just couldn't let him go and he's promised to visit me again, he said that he'd found that there was nothing like fucking an older woman and he wanted to go on doing it.
When he arrived we sat at one end of our long living room with the two kids watching television at the other, they were grown up but still living at home, the boy was twenty and the girl eighteen. Don sat the bloke down opposite us, he was, I would guess, in his mid thirties, very good looking and self assured. He had an incredible and unanticipated effect on me, he oozed sexual energy and my body reacted to seeing him immediately. I was astonished, there was I, as I thought a staid, matronly woman having sexual thrills from a man I could only see! The discussion was excessively boring and, about halfway through, I asked if our visitor would like a cup of tea or coffee, he elected for the latter and I went into the kitchen to make it. While the kettle was boiling I slipped into the toilet in the hall to spend a penny, while there I took my pants off. What made me do it? I have no idea.
I went back with cups of coffee for the three of us and sat down opposite this gorgeous young man again. I had noticed that he was paying me quite a lot of attention and now this continued. Gradually, as we talked, I let my legs sag apart. His eyes immediatel took in what he could see. I didn't know really how much I was showing so ended up with my legs well apart. After a couple of hours discussion he said that he would work out a plan to suit what we wanted and drop it in a couple of days later. Leaving he shook my hand, or I really should say gently squeezed it in a suggestive mannner. He asked when he could drop the documentation in and I told him anytime as I was home all the time, he smiled and left. Don and I didn't really discuss anything and he apparently didn't notice me opening my legs for the young man.
Two days later there was a ring at the door bell and, answering the door there stood the insurance man. I invited him in. It was a very hot day and, in addition anticipating his call, all I had on was a button through cotton dress. I should tell you that although I'm fifty I still have a good figure and as I moved I knew my nipples would be tracing patterns on the front of the thin material. I invited him into the kitchen and suggested that we had a coffee, once I had made it I sat him opposite me, both of us sitting on those high stools people have in a kitchen. Somehow my legs were parted and as we chatted I saw him looking up my skirt. I asked him what made him want to be an insurance man, his reply was that he enjoyed calling on attractive women like myself. Quite apart from my nipples, which were already erected, I could feel my fanny developing in response to his animal magnetism. 'Go on,' I said, I bet you say that to all the women!'
'Only the attractive ones!', was his response.
'Yes, I can imagine that you don't go without!' I teased him.
'Actually, it can be quite difficult, it only needs one complaint if I overstep the mark and I'd be sacked.' he said.
'Well, you needn't worry about that here. Tell me what's your first name?'.
'Mark,' he responded, 'and you have the most beautiful legs that I've seen in a long time!'
'Oh, I've noticed you looking!'
'Yes! And I've noticed that you don't like wearing pants! You've really got me going!'.
'How long do you have?' I asked.
'Long enough,' he replied getting aff his stool. He came over to me and picked me up from my stool, 'where's the bedroom?' he asked. He carried me down the passage and into the room I indicated. By the time he set me down I had my dress unbuttoned and I let it drop to the floor. He stared. I'm what they would call a 'faded blonde' I suppose and I had virtually no pubic hair, as by now I was in a state of some excitement it was obvious that he could see my fanny. 'What a beautiful cunt!', he said. He undressed quickly exhibiting the nicest looking cock I had ever seen, it was about eight inches long and thick with it. He eased me onto the bed crossways, knelt, pulled my legs up over his shoulders and applied his mouth to my fanny. Fancy having one's cunt kissed before one's mouth! But he certainly knew what he was doing. First he kissed my lips, then his tongue traced first them, then my inner ones, he licked around inside the mouth of my cunt, thrust his tongue in my hole and fucked me with it before finally teasing my clit unmercifully. I had a huge shuddering orgasm. I hadn't come in years and now I yearned for him to enter me. He didn't waste any time, first reaarranging me on the bed he mounted me and I felt his big cock nudging inside, I put my hand down and positioned it for him and he thrust it straight up me as far as it would go. It felt huge, I'd never had a cock that big in me in my life and every stroke thrilled me beyond measure. I had never come whilst being fucked before, but now I did, almost constantly it seemed. I just let him use me, glorying in the feel of his lovely cock as it did it's work and coming on and off all the time. He also fucked me for longer than I had ever been fucked before, my juices flowed as never before too. We were both sloppy with my love-juice long before he finally came and shot spurt after spurt of his lovely come deep inside my cunt. I lay exhausted beneath him, the shudders and thrills of my orgasm gradually dying away.
Eventually he rolled off, I kissed him, 'I've never been fucked like that in my life,' I told him.
He smiled sleepily, 'If you want to be fucked again for even longer, just suck my cock and get it hard!'
I couldn't believe it, but I did as he said and sure enough he did exactly as he said he would. The taste of my love-juice and his spunk as I sucked his cock made me want more even though there was spunk and love-juice all over my thighs and stomach, bum too if it comes to that. I had never felt so sexy and I let him do me as he wanted just lying there and enjoying the best sex I had ever had.
We cleaned up after that, my legs were all wobbly but he didn't seem fazed at all, I told him that I just couldn't let him go and he's promised to visit me again, he said that he'd found that there was nothing like fucking an older woman and he wanted to go on doing it.
My Sexy Wife.
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Here is a tale that was the ultimate turn on for my wife and me. My wife took the kids to visit their friends one day and came back home a demon.
I was kind of tired when she left so I decided to take a shower to relax and lay down for a nap, I thought that she would be gone for a couple of hours visiting friends. A shower always relaxes me. Before I took the shower I thought that I would shave my pubic hair as I always do. My wife loves the look of my big shaved balls and the little strip of pubic hair that I leave, just a thin line and trimmed short. This really turns her on, and I have to say that I love the feeling of it also. I find that my large tool looks even bigger doing that. I had no idea about what was to come.
When I finished my shower I laid down in bed butt naked and before long I was asleep. I heard her go into the bathroom and take a shower and I just figured that she bought something to do to her hair so I just turned over onto my stomach and went back to sleep. I woke up shortly after that with the covers off of me and something rubbing over the crack of my ass, and then I felt her hands touch my ass cheeks and spread them apart. I spread my legs a little and stuck my hips up into the air and felt something poking at my anus, I then realized that she had her strap-on. She told me to hold my cheeks open so she could get a good look at my tight hole. She then coated that rubber cock with flavored lube (we always used the flavored kind), and started to rub that dildo all over my ass and she said "I'm going to fuck your tight asshole and make you gape wide, and I want you to do the same to me." I told her that I would do ANYTHING!!! After she put a little more lube over my butt hole and slid a finger in, that drove me crazy.
After a few minutes she told me to get on my hands and knees at the edge of the bed. As soon as I did that she slipped a second finger in my hole she got down on the floor. She told me how wet she was and to prove it she started fingering her pussy and I could hear her frantically fingering that beautiful sloppy snatch and she told me to keep holding my cheeks open so she could watch my asshole stretching around her fingers. She then told me that she was going to stick her fingers in her mouth to taste her juices and as she did she slipped a third finger in and started moaning with her fingers in her mouth. I could tell that it was delicious. With three fingers in my hole she walked around the bed pumping me furiously, stuck three fingers in her delicious pussy and ordered me to suck her fake cock.
It wasn't long before she took her fingers out of her snatch and told me to taste them. The taste almost made me cum right there. It was so delicious that it sent shock all the way down to the tip of my purple dick head. That is all that I could take. I had to taste more. So I rolled onto my back and she lowered her shaved, smooth pussy onto my face while her fake cock was dangling on my neck and chin. She swallowed my cock and as soon as my tongue touched her clit she came…violently. Her juice was squirting all over my face but I kept licking and tried to catch some in my mouth at the same time. After I cleaned the juice off of her pussy she turned around, straddled me with her cock rubbing against my balls and hard cock and licked her juice off of my face. I screamed that I was going to cum so she grabbed the head of my cock and squeezed it and said "you are not coming now, I want you to save up for big load, and I have plans for it. I also want a turn at fucking your asshole, and you are going to fuck mine, never mind my pussy, go straight for my rosebud." I regained control immediately. I needed some time to calm down so I got down on the floor so that she couldn't touch me. This helps me concentrate on not cumming.
She moved to the edge of the bed and raised her legs to give me access to her butt hole. I cleaned the pussy juice off her ass and probed her sphincter with my tongue. She loves that, and with her fake cock standing straight up in the air she came again. I put my mouth over her vaginal opening and only spilled a couple drops, don't worry I lapped it up off of her asshole. I then started to prepare her anal "O" for my large cock. I spread some lube on her and my fingers and slipped in a finger, she started moaning, then two, her hips started bucking up and down, three she started screaming with pleasure! I then moved up to stick my tongue in her mouth while fingering her hole with three fingers. As I kissed her passionately she grabbed a hold of my cock and started stroking it. I kissed her for a while and then stuck my cock in her mouth, and when I did I slipped a fourth finger in her asshole and she took her mouth away from my cock and she was out of breath but managed to say "stick that big cock in my bum…NOW."
I let her catch her breath first but while I did I turned her over to her hands and knees, spread her pretty ass cheeks and stuck my tongue directly into her open asshole. I made it gape with the four fingers but I knew that I could get it gaping wider than this. I gently circled my hot tongue around her gaping hole and tongue fucked her asshole again before giving her a gentle kiss to her hole. Then, it was time to go to heaven. I slowly stuck my hard Dick into her butt. Her asshole was so gorgeous stretching around my cock, her ass felt so good when it was devouring my large tool. She told me to stay still, at first I thought that I was hurting her but she spread her own cheeks apart and she told me not to take my eyes off of my cock while she rocked back and forth over my tool. She was moaning louder than I had ever heard her. After a few minutes, how I lasted that long in her ass without cumming still is a mystery, she pulled off my cock to show me how wide her rectum was stretched. The sight of her ass opened up and that dildo hanging off her body made my ass ache, and I told her so. I had to stick my tongue in her ass again; she was gaping so wide that I open her hole more with my lips so that I could get my tongue deeper.
To my surprise she told me to get on my hands and knees. She got behind me and thought that she was about to penetrate me when she pulled my cock back and sucked me from behind, she saves that for special occasions, and sucked and licked me all over my cock and balls. She moaned with passion and licked up to that sweet spot between my balls and anus while gently tickling my asshole with her finger. After I thought that I could not take anymore she lowered that lubed cock to the opening of my asshole and slipped it in. First the head, then another inch, and before I new it her 8 inch dildo was engulfed by my butt hole. She rode me like a true cowgirl. She pumped my hole so good that I was thinking so hard about keeping from cumming that my Dick was starting to get soft as it flopped back and forth and every now and then it would slap into my belly. Every few pumps though she would pull the cock out and tell me to spread my cheeks and she would describe how my hole looked gaping open and how she liked fucking me. Then she got out our double headed dildo and stuck that in my ass and told me to grab it and keep fucking myself. She left the room for a minute and came back and stuck her rubber Dick in my mouth while I fucked myself with that dildo.
I didn't know where she went but after fucking me again with her strap-on she pulled it out and took a Polaroid of my open sphincter and showed me the picture. I have to say she was giving me a good going over. I didn't realize that my hole could open up that wide. She made me suck her cock again and we took turns fucking each other's ass and sucking each other's cock until I confessed that I couldn't hold back much longer. When she heard that she made me lay with my shoulders on the floor and ass up in the air against the side of the bed and tongue fucked me for a few seconds before sticking two fingers into my ass and massaged my prostate. This was way too much! She then stuck her tongue in my mouth and kissed me hungrily while still trying to milk my prostate. It did not take long before I screamed that I was cumming with her tongue in my mouth. I felt as though my Dick was going to split in two! My hot, gooey cum shot out like a cannon, all over our mouths and faces. It was so hot. She quickly threw off her strap-on and lowered her pussy over my face, it seemed like I was cumming forever when to top it off she squirted her fluid all over my face. I could hardly move. I was so drained. When she was finished she kneeled down and licked both of our cum off my face and even made me suck some of my cum off her tongue. What a way to wake up!
She can be such a demon when she wants to be. She surprises and shocks me like this every now and then. I had to share this, she is reading this as I am typing and has a devilish grin on her face, so I don't know what she is thinking, but I will soon find out.
I was kind of tired when she left so I decided to take a shower to relax and lay down for a nap, I thought that she would be gone for a couple of hours visiting friends. A shower always relaxes me. Before I took the shower I thought that I would shave my pubic hair as I always do. My wife loves the look of my big shaved balls and the little strip of pubic hair that I leave, just a thin line and trimmed short. This really turns her on, and I have to say that I love the feeling of it also. I find that my large tool looks even bigger doing that. I had no idea about what was to come.
When I finished my shower I laid down in bed butt naked and before long I was asleep. I heard her go into the bathroom and take a shower and I just figured that she bought something to do to her hair so I just turned over onto my stomach and went back to sleep. I woke up shortly after that with the covers off of me and something rubbing over the crack of my ass, and then I felt her hands touch my ass cheeks and spread them apart. I spread my legs a little and stuck my hips up into the air and felt something poking at my anus, I then realized that she had her strap-on. She told me to hold my cheeks open so she could get a good look at my tight hole. She then coated that rubber cock with flavored lube (we always used the flavored kind), and started to rub that dildo all over my ass and she said "I'm going to fuck your tight asshole and make you gape wide, and I want you to do the same to me." I told her that I would do ANYTHING!!! After she put a little more lube over my butt hole and slid a finger in, that drove me crazy.
After a few minutes she told me to get on my hands and knees at the edge of the bed. As soon as I did that she slipped a second finger in my hole she got down on the floor. She told me how wet she was and to prove it she started fingering her pussy and I could hear her frantically fingering that beautiful sloppy snatch and she told me to keep holding my cheeks open so she could watch my asshole stretching around her fingers. She then told me that she was going to stick her fingers in her mouth to taste her juices and as she did she slipped a third finger in and started moaning with her fingers in her mouth. I could tell that it was delicious. With three fingers in my hole she walked around the bed pumping me furiously, stuck three fingers in her delicious pussy and ordered me to suck her fake cock.
It wasn't long before she took her fingers out of her snatch and told me to taste them. The taste almost made me cum right there. It was so delicious that it sent shock all the way down to the tip of my purple dick head. That is all that I could take. I had to taste more. So I rolled onto my back and she lowered her shaved, smooth pussy onto my face while her fake cock was dangling on my neck and chin. She swallowed my cock and as soon as my tongue touched her clit she came…violently. Her juice was squirting all over my face but I kept licking and tried to catch some in my mouth at the same time. After I cleaned the juice off of her pussy she turned around, straddled me with her cock rubbing against my balls and hard cock and licked her juice off of my face. I screamed that I was going to cum so she grabbed the head of my cock and squeezed it and said "you are not coming now, I want you to save up for big load, and I have plans for it. I also want a turn at fucking your asshole, and you are going to fuck mine, never mind my pussy, go straight for my rosebud." I regained control immediately. I needed some time to calm down so I got down on the floor so that she couldn't touch me. This helps me concentrate on not cumming.
She moved to the edge of the bed and raised her legs to give me access to her butt hole. I cleaned the pussy juice off her ass and probed her sphincter with my tongue. She loves that, and with her fake cock standing straight up in the air she came again. I put my mouth over her vaginal opening and only spilled a couple drops, don't worry I lapped it up off of her asshole. I then started to prepare her anal "O" for my large cock. I spread some lube on her and my fingers and slipped in a finger, she started moaning, then two, her hips started bucking up and down, three she started screaming with pleasure! I then moved up to stick my tongue in her mouth while fingering her hole with three fingers. As I kissed her passionately she grabbed a hold of my cock and started stroking it. I kissed her for a while and then stuck my cock in her mouth, and when I did I slipped a fourth finger in her asshole and she took her mouth away from my cock and she was out of breath but managed to say "stick that big cock in my bum…NOW."
I let her catch her breath first but while I did I turned her over to her hands and knees, spread her pretty ass cheeks and stuck my tongue directly into her open asshole. I made it gape with the four fingers but I knew that I could get it gaping wider than this. I gently circled my hot tongue around her gaping hole and tongue fucked her asshole again before giving her a gentle kiss to her hole. Then, it was time to go to heaven. I slowly stuck my hard Dick into her butt. Her asshole was so gorgeous stretching around my cock, her ass felt so good when it was devouring my large tool. She told me to stay still, at first I thought that I was hurting her but she spread her own cheeks apart and she told me not to take my eyes off of my cock while she rocked back and forth over my tool. She was moaning louder than I had ever heard her. After a few minutes, how I lasted that long in her ass without cumming still is a mystery, she pulled off my cock to show me how wide her rectum was stretched. The sight of her ass opened up and that dildo hanging off her body made my ass ache, and I told her so. I had to stick my tongue in her ass again; she was gaping so wide that I open her hole more with my lips so that I could get my tongue deeper.
To my surprise she told me to get on my hands and knees. She got behind me and thought that she was about to penetrate me when she pulled my cock back and sucked me from behind, she saves that for special occasions, and sucked and licked me all over my cock and balls. She moaned with passion and licked up to that sweet spot between my balls and anus while gently tickling my asshole with her finger. After I thought that I could not take anymore she lowered that lubed cock to the opening of my asshole and slipped it in. First the head, then another inch, and before I new it her 8 inch dildo was engulfed by my butt hole. She rode me like a true cowgirl. She pumped my hole so good that I was thinking so hard about keeping from cumming that my Dick was starting to get soft as it flopped back and forth and every now and then it would slap into my belly. Every few pumps though she would pull the cock out and tell me to spread my cheeks and she would describe how my hole looked gaping open and how she liked fucking me. Then she got out our double headed dildo and stuck that in my ass and told me to grab it and keep fucking myself. She left the room for a minute and came back and stuck her rubber Dick in my mouth while I fucked myself with that dildo.
I didn't know where she went but after fucking me again with her strap-on she pulled it out and took a Polaroid of my open sphincter and showed me the picture. I have to say she was giving me a good going over. I didn't realize that my hole could open up that wide. She made me suck her cock again and we took turns fucking each other's ass and sucking each other's cock until I confessed that I couldn't hold back much longer. When she heard that she made me lay with my shoulders on the floor and ass up in the air against the side of the bed and tongue fucked me for a few seconds before sticking two fingers into my ass and massaged my prostate. This was way too much! She then stuck her tongue in my mouth and kissed me hungrily while still trying to milk my prostate. It did not take long before I screamed that I was cumming with her tongue in my mouth. I felt as though my Dick was going to split in two! My hot, gooey cum shot out like a cannon, all over our mouths and faces. It was so hot. She quickly threw off her strap-on and lowered her pussy over my face, it seemed like I was cumming forever when to top it off she squirted her fluid all over my face. I could hardly move. I was so drained. When she was finished she kneeled down and licked both of our cum off my face and even made me suck some of my cum off her tongue. What a way to wake up!
She can be such a demon when she wants to be. She surprises and shocks me like this every now and then. I had to share this, she is reading this as I am typing and has a devilish grin on her face, so I don't know what she is thinking, but I will soon find out.
Working at the YMCA
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Beth had been working for 3 months at the YMCA when Trent joined. As hiring manager she had acted more on looks than skill when she hired Trent. He showed up late for the interview and Beth was getting quite angry, but it all subsided when he walked through. He was about 6 feet tall and had showed up with his blonde hair messy, falling just above his eyes, his shirt was untucked and tight, showing off his six pack and his pants were dirty blue jeans. As he passed her, his cologne seeped its way into her nostrils, instantly making her a little hot. The way he walked with such authority, there was no denying that Beth needed to hire him, first for the pool boy job and then maybe later for another "job".
From that day Beth fantasized about him and flirted constantly. She was staying after as usual, finishing up some business matters and decided to go for a swim in the pool. Beth hadn't brought a bathing suit and thought nothing of going in naked. No one was there and her muscles were just begging for the sweet relief that the water brought her. She grabbed a towel from the laundry room and walked into the steamy pool room. The smell of chlorine filled the air and she giggled as she undressed. She took off her top first, letting her swelling breasts spring free. She felt her nipples and imagined that it were Trent rubbing them. As she moaned, Beth took of her shorts, revealing her soaked panties.
All day the image of Trent had been running through her mind and the fact that her pager was set on vibrate didn't help as it went off again and again. She took the clip out of her hair, thrashing her head about, letting her long blond hair flow in the moon light. After getting herself nice and wet she decided against going in the pool and decided to go towards the hot tub. She turned on the jets to high. She put one foot in and gasped at its hotness. She put in her other foot and slowly lowered herself into the steaming tub. Relaxing against a jet and after tweaking her big, swollen nipples Beth got an idea. She stood up, the bubbles slowly trickling down her hot body, every bubble tingling every inch of her body, sending waves of pleasure to her. She started to move across the hot tub and then put her legs up in front of the most powerful jet by the railing and spread her legs, wide.
The water flowed in a storm over her pussy, making her lips vibrate her clit. She held onto the railing and arched her back, with her other hand she continued to massage her tits. Very soon she started moaning, at first just ooh's and ahhs, but very soon she started moaning his name. The moans started out as a whisper, but as she ventured closer and closer to orgasm they got louder and louder. She had thought she was alone, but she was wrong. Across the pool stood Trent, mouth agape, just looking at his boss turned into a wild woman. He heard her screaming his name and this turned him on. He got a coy grin as a light bulb went off in his head. Just before she was about to orgasm she screamed his name one last time and then stopped when she heard someone say "what?". Surprised and scared, she looked up and saw Trent standing there, grinning.
Beth's worried expression faded as he started undressing. He unbuttoned his shirt, smiling and looking deep into her brown eyes. He took forever it seemed, but Trent did this on purpose, he was one who loved to tease. Beth couldn't stand it much longer, she jumped up out of the water and ripped off his shirt, kissing him roughly. She unbuttoned his pants with an urgency that even surprised herself. Trent couldn't do anything but stand there. Soon Beth had him naked, she broke their hot kiss and stood back, looking at him in all of his glory. His chest was flawless and he had a six pack with beads of water dripping down them. She followed the path of the water beads down to his manhood. He was hard and his 7 inches was fulling erect now, standing at attention. Beth ran back to his awaiting arms and kissed him softly. Her smooth lips were on his and with this invitation, Trent tried to fit his dick between Beth's legs. She noticed that he was having trouble and lifted her leg, wrapping it around his waist. He slowly put his hard cock into her gaping slit. She let out a loud moan as he hit regions deep within in her that no man or object had ever done. He slid in and out a few times adn then reached his hand down, stroking her clit. He found the hard little nub and used his thumb to circle the hood over and over again. This sent Beth into a great daze, she started grunting like an animal and started scraping her fingernails into his back. She moaned louder and louder, driving Trent wild. He slapped her ass hard, again and again, the sound of it rippled and resounded throughout the whole room.
Both of their legs started to give way as he rammed his long shaft again and again into her tight tight twat. He moved his fingers up towards her nipples pinching and squeezing them. He had dreamed of squeezing these breasts for so long. He noticed that Beth was coming very close to orgasm and rammed her up against the wall. The tile dug inte her back and she arched backwards, letting Trent's hard cock go deeper and deeper. She moaned and screamed louder and louder. She wrapped both legs around his waist not being able to get enough of his huge love meat.
Trent thrust his hips forward one last time shooting his salty cum into her. Beth screamed his name one more time and orgasmed. Her pussy walls closed around his dick, milking it for all he was worth. She threw her head back and moaned. Trent finished cumming and grunting and kissed her lips. Beth regained her balance and put her arms around his neck, making the kiss deeper. Not a word was spoken between the two, but the next day Trent was promoted from pool boy to personal assistant.
<--->
From that day Beth fantasized about him and flirted constantly. She was staying after as usual, finishing up some business matters and decided to go for a swim in the pool. Beth hadn't brought a bathing suit and thought nothing of going in naked. No one was there and her muscles were just begging for the sweet relief that the water brought her. She grabbed a towel from the laundry room and walked into the steamy pool room. The smell of chlorine filled the air and she giggled as she undressed. She took off her top first, letting her swelling breasts spring free. She felt her nipples and imagined that it were Trent rubbing them. As she moaned, Beth took of her shorts, revealing her soaked panties.
All day the image of Trent had been running through her mind and the fact that her pager was set on vibrate didn't help as it went off again and again. She took the clip out of her hair, thrashing her head about, letting her long blond hair flow in the moon light. After getting herself nice and wet she decided against going in the pool and decided to go towards the hot tub. She turned on the jets to high. She put one foot in and gasped at its hotness. She put in her other foot and slowly lowered herself into the steaming tub. Relaxing against a jet and after tweaking her big, swollen nipples Beth got an idea. She stood up, the bubbles slowly trickling down her hot body, every bubble tingling every inch of her body, sending waves of pleasure to her. She started to move across the hot tub and then put her legs up in front of the most powerful jet by the railing and spread her legs, wide.
The water flowed in a storm over her pussy, making her lips vibrate her clit. She held onto the railing and arched her back, with her other hand she continued to massage her tits. Very soon she started moaning, at first just ooh's and ahhs, but very soon she started moaning his name. The moans started out as a whisper, but as she ventured closer and closer to orgasm they got louder and louder. She had thought she was alone, but she was wrong. Across the pool stood Trent, mouth agape, just looking at his boss turned into a wild woman. He heard her screaming his name and this turned him on. He got a coy grin as a light bulb went off in his head. Just before she was about to orgasm she screamed his name one last time and then stopped when she heard someone say "what?". Surprised and scared, she looked up and saw Trent standing there, grinning.
Beth's worried expression faded as he started undressing. He unbuttoned his shirt, smiling and looking deep into her brown eyes. He took forever it seemed, but Trent did this on purpose, he was one who loved to tease. Beth couldn't stand it much longer, she jumped up out of the water and ripped off his shirt, kissing him roughly. She unbuttoned his pants with an urgency that even surprised herself. Trent couldn't do anything but stand there. Soon Beth had him naked, she broke their hot kiss and stood back, looking at him in all of his glory. His chest was flawless and he had a six pack with beads of water dripping down them. She followed the path of the water beads down to his manhood. He was hard and his 7 inches was fulling erect now, standing at attention. Beth ran back to his awaiting arms and kissed him softly. Her smooth lips were on his and with this invitation, Trent tried to fit his dick between Beth's legs. She noticed that he was having trouble and lifted her leg, wrapping it around his waist. He slowly put his hard cock into her gaping slit. She let out a loud moan as he hit regions deep within in her that no man or object had ever done. He slid in and out a few times adn then reached his hand down, stroking her clit. He found the hard little nub and used his thumb to circle the hood over and over again. This sent Beth into a great daze, she started grunting like an animal and started scraping her fingernails into his back. She moaned louder and louder, driving Trent wild. He slapped her ass hard, again and again, the sound of it rippled and resounded throughout the whole room.
Both of their legs started to give way as he rammed his long shaft again and again into her tight tight twat. He moved his fingers up towards her nipples pinching and squeezing them. He had dreamed of squeezing these breasts for so long. He noticed that Beth was coming very close to orgasm and rammed her up against the wall. The tile dug inte her back and she arched backwards, letting Trent's hard cock go deeper and deeper. She moaned and screamed louder and louder. She wrapped both legs around his waist not being able to get enough of his huge love meat.
Trent thrust his hips forward one last time shooting his salty cum into her. Beth screamed his name one more time and orgasmed. Her pussy walls closed around his dick, milking it for all he was worth. She threw her head back and moaned. Trent finished cumming and grunting and kissed her lips. Beth regained her balance and put her arms around his neck, making the kiss deeper. Not a word was spoken between the two, but the next day Trent was promoted from pool boy to personal assistant.
<--->
Young lady marrying old man
Posted by
ronitvm
on Friday, January 18, 2008
/
Joke: Young lady marrying old man
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
---->
A knockout young lady decided she wanted to get rich quick. So, she proceeded to find herself a rich 73 year old man, planning to screw him to death on their wedding night.
The courtship and wedding went off without any problem, in spite of the half-century age difference.
On the first night of her honeymoon, she got undressed, and waited for him to come out of the bathroom and come to bed. When he emerged, however, he had nothing on except a rubber to cover a twelve-inch erection, and was carrying a pair of earplugs and a pair of noseplugs.
Fearing her plan had gone desperately amiss, she asked, "What are those for?"
The elderly gentleman replied, "There are just two things I can't stand: the sound of a woman screaming, and the smell of burning rubber."
---->
Sexy girl co-passenger
Posted by
ronitvm
on Saturday, January 12, 2008
/
Sexy girl co-passenger
I had two interesting experiences during train journeys so far. I shall explain about one of them here.Once I was coming back by train from Chennai after attending a conference. I boarded the train five minutes before its departure.
I found a girl of about 25 years sitting next to my seat. Her uncle and mother had come to see her off. When they knew she and I shall get down at the same station, being the last of the train’s journey after 28 hours of running,
they requested me to take a little care of her and I agreed to. After half-an-hour, I attempted to strike a friendly conversation with her but she answered to me in monosyllables and apparently showed no interest in continuing talk.
However, I knew she was convinced I was a thorough gentleman. She thankfully refused to share some sweets and fruits I offered. The only thing I could gather was that her name was Mini and she was a student of fashion technology
in an institute in the city I lived and she stayed in its ladies hostel. The institute was 17 KM away from my place but in a different route. The train was scheduled to reach its destination at 1.45 in the afternoon the next day.
She said her friends would come at the station to receive her. Though her relatives had requested me to take care of her, but since she took no interest in me, I too decided to ignore her too as her indifferent attitude hurt my pride.
After all, I was not a cheat or scoundrel or opportunist out to seduce or woo a girl. But, an announcement at the next junction made her lose her nerve and courage. Due to sudden cyclone and heavy rains, a bridge en-route of our further journey got damaged.
However, the train would be diverted to its destination in another route, a roundabout way, taking more running hours. Lastly, the train reached our final destination at 12.50 in the night, about 11 hours late.
No sooner the train pulled up at the platform than all the passengers scurried out to their homes. As I asked her, she said her friends would soon arrive and requested me to wait for a little time. So I waited.
But even after nearly thirty minutes, there was no sign of her friends and the platform and station became deserted. Now she became really scared. I thought she was new to that place as the station was a den of antisocial elements and
atrocities on women particularly during late night hours were rampant. Finding no other way, she readily accepted my offer of help to take her with me. We got into my company car waiting outside.
I purposely sat with her at the back seat not to arouse any doubt in the mind of the driver. I offered to drop her at the hostel, but she said the gate of the hostel would not be opened after 10.00 PM. So, with a small smile on her face,
for the first time, she agreed to come to my flat and go to her place the next morning. Yet, I did tell her that I was living alone and if she felt it embarrassing to stay the night with me I can still drop her at the hostel making efforts to
open the gate for her convincing the hostel warden about her predicament due to late arrival of train. She smiled at me again and said she had full faith in me and it was okay for her to stay in my flat till the next morning.
Once we reached my 2-rooms flat, I made a call to her hostel and she told the attendant to convey her friends that she had reached very late but safely and was staying with a relative and would join them the next morning.
I offered my room attached with toilet to her. I knew all these actions and behaviour of mine were making an impression on her about me. I went to make black coffee as she went to the bathroom. After her bath, we had coffee together.
Then, I went to the other common bathroom for my bath. While I was soaping myself, standing fully nude, suddenly I felt the hairs on my nape bristle which indicated a sign of danger, hunch or intuition. I had known there was a small crack on the bathroom door.
I had ignored to get it repaired as I had always used the other bathroom attached to my bedroom. While I was undressing, I had seen the light of the bulb outside through this crack. After a minute, I found a movement outside.
Later, I could not see the light as someone had blocked it for quite some time. Even without looking at the crack, I became aware; someone was watching me through the crack on the door. And it must be this girl!
Suddenly I felt shy and in the same moment I wanted to apprehend her red-handed. Moving a little away from the crack so that she could not see me, I took my towel, wrapped it around my waist and at the same time removed the bolt and opened the door ajar instantly.
And there, she stood outside in a crouching manner peeping through the crack! Worse, she was squeezing her breasts with both of her hands. If I had hit her across the face, the effect of my sudden appearance would not have been more startling and devastating.
She gaped at me with her mouth wide open in utter bewilderment. She really looked thunderstruck. I decided enough was enough. I placed my hands on her shoulders and told that since the cat was out of the bag, there was no point in her pretending sanctimonious any more.
I hurriedly soaped myself and took the bath quickly. When I came out, I found her sitting on the bed, obviously embarrassed and scared of the consequences of her foolish action. I put on my night clothes, combed and went to her with a smile.
I sat beside her and in a soft, loving voice asked her to express whatever she had in her mind. She kept her head bent down out of shame and shy. I repeated my words, now coated with sweetness and reassurance.
After a few seconds, she raised her head and looked at my eyes searchingly. I knew if she dived into the ocean of my mind, she would surface finding me faithful and trustworthy only. On my repeating for the third time,
she told in a whispering voice that she had liked me at the very first sight and had even fantasized about me in the first night of our train journey. She had seen the crack on the bathroom door and while she watched me in nude she became horny,
fantasized and squeezed her breasts herself imagining I was doing it to her. I told her to relax and take it easy. I added it was but natural for any girl of her age to feel exactly the way she did and there was nothing abnormal in it.
I told I did not feel like falling in love with a girl then nor would I think of proposing to her. But if she so liked to sleep with me and enjoy the night, it was fine with me too. Her eyes reflected admiration for my honesty and integrity. She nodded her approval.
I could not imagine my luck of getting a sexy girl to spend a night together. Honestly speaking, I had not the faintest inkling this timid-looking girl who sat next to my seat in the train would offer herself to me so soon. But then, as history tells, girls behave in strange ways.
That was the beginning. As I hugged her, she lay on the bed taking me on top of her. While I kissed on her lips, she closed her eyes. I asked: “Are you being kissed for the first time?” She said: “To be honest, no. I had it once with my boyfriend a couple of years ago”.
I asked her to wet her lips by running her tongue over them which she did. Then, I took her lower lip, wet with her saliva, into my mouth and sucked it softly for some time enjoying the sweet honey. On my asking again to extend her tongue, she did so.
I took her soft salivary tongue inside my mouth and sucked it hard. I heard her moaning softly keeping her eyes closed. “Don’t you want to kiss me?” I asked. She blushed and said: “Sure”. She coyly brought her mouth and kissed on my lips.
At this time, I cupped her left boob with my right hand. I assumed her boobs might be of 34C size. My touch on her boob over the nightie seemed to send impulses all over her body. But then, my situation was not different either.
I brought her to stand on the floor. As I attempted to remove her nithtie, she requested me to switch off the light first. I did so and switched on the dim blue bedroom lamp. She looked sensuous and sexy with only her bras and panty on.
Next I removed my clothes excepting my underwear. I hugged her tightly keeping her boobs pressed hard to my chest. We smooched while both of us ran our hands at each other’s back. My right hand went to her ass over her panty.
I gave a slight slap on it and pressed it hard on to my crotch. She giggled softly. While we still engaged in kissing, I cunningly unhooked her bras with my left hand. She felt shy as her boobs popped out. I removed her bras and flung it to the corner.
Looking at her conical shaped boobs admiringly, I said: “Mini, your boobs are really beautiful, well-shaped and sized. Any lady would envy looking at them. And, any man would love to squeeze and suck them”.
To my pleasant surprise, she replied: “Who is stopping you?” I ran my hands over her boobs caressing their soft flesh. My hands massaged the brown aureoles in a titillating manner. I tweaked her deep brown nipples with my fingers.
Soon, they became hard and erect and stood in a tantalizing way. She bent a little backward and moaned softly. The massaging over, I began to squeeze her boobs softly first. Her moans became a little louder.
“Mini, can I apply more force to squeeze them, if it won’t hurt you?” I asked. Still shy, she said: “You can squeeze and enjoy with as much force as you like. In fact, I always fantasized so”. Her reply encouraged me.
I also remembered her squeezing the breasts while she peeped through the bathroom door. I began to squeeze the boobs with more and more force and pressure now. Sometimes the squeezing was so forceful;
the flesh of her boobs seemed to escape through in between my fingers. With each squeeze, she moaned “Aahh..aahhh...aahhhh....oouuuccchhhh...”. After squeezing them for nearly five minutes, I bent a little. Lifting her boobs from under their bases,
I touched my face on the boobs. I kept her nipples rubbing all over my face giving pleasures to both of us. She kept her hands on my head and ran the fingers through my hairs. Then I played rubbing the nipples with the tip of my tongue. Her body shivered with titillations.
As if sharing a pearl of wisdom, I said: “Do you know, Mini, what are the biggest and sweetest ‘raisins’ in this world? Yeah, those are the nipples of a lady”. Hearing my witty statement, she laughed out loudly. “Is it so? Then you must enjoy them fully”, she said.
I did not expect she would shed her inhibition so quickly. Smilingly I took her left nipple into my mouth and began to suck. While doing so, my left hand squeezed her right boob. She moaned more loudly now.
Often I bit her nipple with my teeth carefully not to hurt or leave any injury marks. After minutes, I exchanged with her other boob. But this time, my other hand went inside her panty and began to rub her love triangle vigourously.
‘Aaahhhhh....’ this made her release a wild shrill. I felt her pussy warm and moistened. My sucking her boob and rubbing her pussy continued for next five minutes. Then, I pulled down her panty and threw it to where her bras had landed earlier.
I took a few steps away from her and observed her nude body for sometime. She blushed and covered her face with both her hands. I wondered if anyone in the whole world could resist his temptation and morbid sexual desires looking at her now.
She removed her hands and stood tilting her body to left giving a nude side profile of her body. Her posture reminded me of the pose of a nude sexy girl in a big calendar of a liquor company. She seemed to have shaven her pussy recently. I removed my underwear also.
She curiously watched my hot erect cock stood like an arrow on the thread of a bow aimed at a target. I approached again and stood on my knees in front of her. And all hell broke loose when my outstretched tongue touched the soft flesh on her velvet pussy.
I ran my tongue on the length of her pussy. I knew it was difficult to shoot my tongue into her hole in standing position. I made her lay on her back on the bed keeping her legs folded and separated as much as possible.
Then I began to wipe her whole vulva with my tongue from top to bottom. As I did so, she wriggled violently releasing wild moans. I wondered if she felt so much of pleasure by mouthing her pussy, how she would react when she got the real fucking!
I separated her thighs further, raised her buttock a little with my hands and brought the pussy close to my mouth. Then I buried my face into her pussy. I searched the entire area with my tongue the way a blind beggar gropes for a coin on the floor.
I separated her vaginal lips with my fingers, found the clitoris and ran my tongue licking it madly. She writhed her pelvic in extreme pleasures. Her entire pussy became hot, wet and pulsating. Later, I tried to insert my tongue into her hole.
I could not make any progress. I knew she was a virgin alright. The way she made violent body movements with mere touch of my tongue on her hole, I wondered if I had tied her to the bed with a rope she would have broken it.
I began to suck and swallow whatever little drops of her juice oozed out by keeping my mouth glued to her hole. I asked her to secrete more and more. In reply, she asked me to suck hard and I would get it.
Once she thrust her pussy on to my face so wildly that it nearly hurt my nose. Two minutes later, she got up panting and looked at me. Her lust for sex was burning so hot in her eyes I thought even a potato would become half cooked if she looked at it.
She pushed me on to bed and reached for my hot, erect cock. But, my thirst was not yet quenched by sucking her vagina. I told her so. Therefore, she lay on me like the figures 69, keeping her body in opposite direction to mine.
She placed her pussy on to my mouth separating her thighs while she took my cock into her mouth and sucked. Her sucking was so intense that I thought she would take my life out of my body. Simultaneously she was writhing in pleasure as I continued to suck her vagina very hard.
The process of giving and receiving pleasure by sucking continued for a long time. And, suddenly I lost control and pumped out a large quantity of thick, warm milk into her mouth. In extreme pleasure,
I thrust my cock deep into her mouth so that my milk went directly into her throat. She swallowed it eagerly the way she thought there would be more flow of my milk. Once over, she asked me not to check and blow out more milk.
Unable to get any, she became mad and asked me to urinate into her mouth. But I did not do so. She licked my entire cock with her tongue to swallow whatever little milk was left over it. For a minute,
I really wondered if she was the same shy-looking girl I saw a day before sitting next to me in the train! We lay side by side for a little time. I needed some time to erect again. But she was burning with sexual desires.
She became so mad that she started licking my face while I rested for a while. Then, bending over me, she rubbed my whole body with her hanging boobs and massaged all over. I got pleasures when she kept my cock sandwiched between her boobs and pressed.
She could not control her libido even for a minute and she sat on my chest again. I could never imagine a sober looking girl could have this much of sexual urge within her. Keeping her legs and thighs widely apart, she thrust her pussy on to my mouth and implored frantically:
“Oh… lover, please suck my vagina, again and again. Suck out my entire juice and enjoy. I shall secrete more sweet juice for you”. I inserted my tongue into her tunnel, rolled inside and swallowed whatever juice I could get.
Then keeping my mouth tightly pressed on her hole I blew out creating vacuum to extract any juice left. I must say this made her behave like a wild tigress in utmost pleasure. I became aware my cock started to erect again.
I asked her to leave me alone for a few minutes. I went to the adjacent room and sat on the floor to practice the yoga technique to control my mind and body. Later I came back to her. As soon as I entered, she welcomed me showing her pussy keeping her legs widely apart.
I knew I have to fuck her in a hard way to satisfy her. I made her lay on her back keeping her buttock at the edge of the bed with her legs hanging. I placed myself between her legs standing on the floor. I separated her thighs.
Then, I placed the head of my hot erect cock on her hole. I made small thrusts. Nothing happened. I increased the strength and force of my thrusts with the cock. Still nothing happened. I knew it was paining her as her hymen refused to give way.
Then, taking a long, deep breath, I made a violent thrust with my cock. I thought the force was enough to move a rock or drill a hole through an iron plate. She made a violent shrill as my cock tore her hymen and penetrated into her pussy tunnel.
“Oh...my God.... you seemed to have incised my pussy darling, I am feeling a lot of pain”, she yelled. I did not bother to hear or to see what mess I made to her pussy but continued my violent onslaught sending my cock fully inside her.
I thrust to send my cock in and out of her vagina the way we use a pump to fill air into a cycle tyre. I wondered whether she was in heaven or hell as her face reflected both pleasure and pain. After a few minutes of my fucking,
I took my cock out and examined both her pussy and my cock. Yeah, there was a little blood on my cock as well as a little bleeding on her pussy due to breaking of her hymen. I took her to the bathroom, washed her pussy spraying water while she washed my cock.
Her pussy was fine after 3-4 minutes. We returned to bed and I made her lay in the same position. I inserted my cock into her which now went deep inside without hindrance. Now, I started the real assault.
I sent my cock inside with huge thrust of my pelvic the way a drowning man disappears into a whirlpool. In the same action, I took it out to shoot it again violently. Honestly, I admired my own power and the quick succession of driving my cock
deep inside and out of her pussy which would even put the shaft of a railway engine moving at high speed to shame. I saw her feeling in heaven as she moaned fiercely swaying her head sideways. I did not bother about few drops of blood in her pussy
mixed with her juice each time my cock came out. My only aim was to give fullest satisfaction to this tigress on bed. I fucked her that way for nearly five minutes. After that, as my cock went inside her, suddenly she jumped to sit,
held my buttocks with her hands and kept it pressed very hard to her pussy not allowing me to take the cock out of her vagina. She made such a shrill as if of an electric hooter as she crushed my cock inside by tightening with her vaginal muscles.
She nearly fell out of the cot thrusting her pussy forward as if to get my entire body into her vagina. I knew she was reaching climax and orgasm. In a few seconds, she went limp. Soon, I released my yoga technique and within a few more thrusts,
I too climaxed pumping my warm milk into her. Suddenly I became worried if it would cause pregnancy to her. I took my cock out and considered giving a deep douche to her vagina to wash out my seminal fluid.
As I took my cock out, I noticed it smeared with her blood and I also found a flow of blood from her hole. Though it was nothing abnormal, yet I felt sorry if I caused any injury to her. I woke her up from the slumber and told about her bleeding.
She smiled at me and asked if I did not know that it was usual for a woman to menstruate. I released a sigh of relief as she told it was the time for her monthly period and she had, in fact, felt abdominal pain usually associated with the beginning of her menstruation,
during the train journey itself. However, she anxiously asked me if I didn’t intend to fuck her again after sometime. In answer, I took her to the bathroom again, washed both of our genitals only to return to the bed to unite our bodies again into one,
but this time the lovemaking piloted by her. She sat on the wooden table near its edge keeping her legs and thighs widely separated and spread as much as possible. I stood between her thighs. As I manipulated sending my cock into her hole,
she wrapped her legs around my buttocks. I hugged her body tightly while she circled my neck with her hands. I started fucking her while our lips remained locked with each others in a long passionate kiss.
Suddenly, she took off from the table hanging on my body now. This gave her more freedom to make thrusts with her pussy to match and coincide with my thrusts. I held her tightly at the buttocks. Once, I tried to insert my middle finger into her anus while we fucked.
She giggled in extreme pleasures. However, after another 3-4 minutes, she attained orgasm and I too pumped my milk into her tunnel. She offloaded herself from my body and we went to the bathroom again to wash. After that, we retired to bed, fully exhausted.
We decided to sleep for a couple of hours before my taking her to the hostel in the morning. After an hour or so, I suddenly woke up as I felt my cock was being sucked. As I looked at her, I smiled to see her sucking my cock,
still in her deep sleep the way a new-born baby sucked the breast of the mother. My cock erected again and within a few minutes I pumped out more milk into her mouth. I saw her swallowing the milk, still in her sleep.
But I found a trickle of my milk flowing out through the corner of her mouth. I lay back and went to my sleep again. In the early morning, we got up, had a cup of black coffee. Though we wanted to have one more round of lovemaking,
but decided against as her menstrual bleeding was more then. We dressed up and I took her to her place. Her friends were happy and relieved to see she was fine. Yet they teased her with meaningful smiles and queries how she spent her night
in the house of her ‘new-found’ relative she had never told them before. Some of them were really naughty to ask me if I cared to make train journey with them too and… and…. and…. (This story has a supplement as this girl along with one of her friends visited me together later, with prior appointment, for a wonderful 3-some. I shall write about it later).
I had two interesting experiences during train journeys so far. I shall explain about one of them here.Once I was coming back by train from Chennai after attending a conference. I boarded the train five minutes before its departure.
I found a girl of about 25 years sitting next to my seat. Her uncle and mother had come to see her off. When they knew she and I shall get down at the same station, being the last of the train’s journey after 28 hours of running,
they requested me to take a little care of her and I agreed to. After half-an-hour, I attempted to strike a friendly conversation with her but she answered to me in monosyllables and apparently showed no interest in continuing talk.
However, I knew she was convinced I was a thorough gentleman. She thankfully refused to share some sweets and fruits I offered. The only thing I could gather was that her name was Mini and she was a student of fashion technology
in an institute in the city I lived and she stayed in its ladies hostel. The institute was 17 KM away from my place but in a different route. The train was scheduled to reach its destination at 1.45 in the afternoon the next day.
She said her friends would come at the station to receive her. Though her relatives had requested me to take care of her, but since she took no interest in me, I too decided to ignore her too as her indifferent attitude hurt my pride.
After all, I was not a cheat or scoundrel or opportunist out to seduce or woo a girl. But, an announcement at the next junction made her lose her nerve and courage. Due to sudden cyclone and heavy rains, a bridge en-route of our further journey got damaged.
However, the train would be diverted to its destination in another route, a roundabout way, taking more running hours. Lastly, the train reached our final destination at 12.50 in the night, about 11 hours late.
No sooner the train pulled up at the platform than all the passengers scurried out to their homes. As I asked her, she said her friends would soon arrive and requested me to wait for a little time. So I waited.
But even after nearly thirty minutes, there was no sign of her friends and the platform and station became deserted. Now she became really scared. I thought she was new to that place as the station was a den of antisocial elements and
atrocities on women particularly during late night hours were rampant. Finding no other way, she readily accepted my offer of help to take her with me. We got into my company car waiting outside.
I purposely sat with her at the back seat not to arouse any doubt in the mind of the driver. I offered to drop her at the hostel, but she said the gate of the hostel would not be opened after 10.00 PM. So, with a small smile on her face,
for the first time, she agreed to come to my flat and go to her place the next morning. Yet, I did tell her that I was living alone and if she felt it embarrassing to stay the night with me I can still drop her at the hostel making efforts to
open the gate for her convincing the hostel warden about her predicament due to late arrival of train. She smiled at me again and said she had full faith in me and it was okay for her to stay in my flat till the next morning.
Once we reached my 2-rooms flat, I made a call to her hostel and she told the attendant to convey her friends that she had reached very late but safely and was staying with a relative and would join them the next morning.
I offered my room attached with toilet to her. I knew all these actions and behaviour of mine were making an impression on her about me. I went to make black coffee as she went to the bathroom. After her bath, we had coffee together.
Then, I went to the other common bathroom for my bath. While I was soaping myself, standing fully nude, suddenly I felt the hairs on my nape bristle which indicated a sign of danger, hunch or intuition. I had known there was a small crack on the bathroom door.
I had ignored to get it repaired as I had always used the other bathroom attached to my bedroom. While I was undressing, I had seen the light of the bulb outside through this crack. After a minute, I found a movement outside.
Later, I could not see the light as someone had blocked it for quite some time. Even without looking at the crack, I became aware; someone was watching me through the crack on the door. And it must be this girl!
Suddenly I felt shy and in the same moment I wanted to apprehend her red-handed. Moving a little away from the crack so that she could not see me, I took my towel, wrapped it around my waist and at the same time removed the bolt and opened the door ajar instantly.
And there, she stood outside in a crouching manner peeping through the crack! Worse, she was squeezing her breasts with both of her hands. If I had hit her across the face, the effect of my sudden appearance would not have been more startling and devastating.
She gaped at me with her mouth wide open in utter bewilderment. She really looked thunderstruck. I decided enough was enough. I placed my hands on her shoulders and told that since the cat was out of the bag, there was no point in her pretending sanctimonious any more.
I hurriedly soaped myself and took the bath quickly. When I came out, I found her sitting on the bed, obviously embarrassed and scared of the consequences of her foolish action. I put on my night clothes, combed and went to her with a smile.
I sat beside her and in a soft, loving voice asked her to express whatever she had in her mind. She kept her head bent down out of shame and shy. I repeated my words, now coated with sweetness and reassurance.
After a few seconds, she raised her head and looked at my eyes searchingly. I knew if she dived into the ocean of my mind, she would surface finding me faithful and trustworthy only. On my repeating for the third time,
she told in a whispering voice that she had liked me at the very first sight and had even fantasized about me in the first night of our train journey. She had seen the crack on the bathroom door and while she watched me in nude she became horny,
fantasized and squeezed her breasts herself imagining I was doing it to her. I told her to relax and take it easy. I added it was but natural for any girl of her age to feel exactly the way she did and there was nothing abnormal in it.
I told I did not feel like falling in love with a girl then nor would I think of proposing to her. But if she so liked to sleep with me and enjoy the night, it was fine with me too. Her eyes reflected admiration for my honesty and integrity. She nodded her approval.
I could not imagine my luck of getting a sexy girl to spend a night together. Honestly speaking, I had not the faintest inkling this timid-looking girl who sat next to my seat in the train would offer herself to me so soon. But then, as history tells, girls behave in strange ways.
That was the beginning. As I hugged her, she lay on the bed taking me on top of her. While I kissed on her lips, she closed her eyes. I asked: “Are you being kissed for the first time?” She said: “To be honest, no. I had it once with my boyfriend a couple of years ago”.
I asked her to wet her lips by running her tongue over them which she did. Then, I took her lower lip, wet with her saliva, into my mouth and sucked it softly for some time enjoying the sweet honey. On my asking again to extend her tongue, she did so.
I took her soft salivary tongue inside my mouth and sucked it hard. I heard her moaning softly keeping her eyes closed. “Don’t you want to kiss me?” I asked. She blushed and said: “Sure”. She coyly brought her mouth and kissed on my lips.
At this time, I cupped her left boob with my right hand. I assumed her boobs might be of 34C size. My touch on her boob over the nightie seemed to send impulses all over her body. But then, my situation was not different either.
I brought her to stand on the floor. As I attempted to remove her nithtie, she requested me to switch off the light first. I did so and switched on the dim blue bedroom lamp. She looked sensuous and sexy with only her bras and panty on.
Next I removed my clothes excepting my underwear. I hugged her tightly keeping her boobs pressed hard to my chest. We smooched while both of us ran our hands at each other’s back. My right hand went to her ass over her panty.
I gave a slight slap on it and pressed it hard on to my crotch. She giggled softly. While we still engaged in kissing, I cunningly unhooked her bras with my left hand. She felt shy as her boobs popped out. I removed her bras and flung it to the corner.
Looking at her conical shaped boobs admiringly, I said: “Mini, your boobs are really beautiful, well-shaped and sized. Any lady would envy looking at them. And, any man would love to squeeze and suck them”.
To my pleasant surprise, she replied: “Who is stopping you?” I ran my hands over her boobs caressing their soft flesh. My hands massaged the brown aureoles in a titillating manner. I tweaked her deep brown nipples with my fingers.
Soon, they became hard and erect and stood in a tantalizing way. She bent a little backward and moaned softly. The massaging over, I began to squeeze her boobs softly first. Her moans became a little louder.
“Mini, can I apply more force to squeeze them, if it won’t hurt you?” I asked. Still shy, she said: “You can squeeze and enjoy with as much force as you like. In fact, I always fantasized so”. Her reply encouraged me.
I also remembered her squeezing the breasts while she peeped through the bathroom door. I began to squeeze the boobs with more and more force and pressure now. Sometimes the squeezing was so forceful;
the flesh of her boobs seemed to escape through in between my fingers. With each squeeze, she moaned “Aahh..aahhh...aahhhh....oouuuccchhhh...”. After squeezing them for nearly five minutes, I bent a little. Lifting her boobs from under their bases,
I touched my face on the boobs. I kept her nipples rubbing all over my face giving pleasures to both of us. She kept her hands on my head and ran the fingers through my hairs. Then I played rubbing the nipples with the tip of my tongue. Her body shivered with titillations.
As if sharing a pearl of wisdom, I said: “Do you know, Mini, what are the biggest and sweetest ‘raisins’ in this world? Yeah, those are the nipples of a lady”. Hearing my witty statement, she laughed out loudly. “Is it so? Then you must enjoy them fully”, she said.
I did not expect she would shed her inhibition so quickly. Smilingly I took her left nipple into my mouth and began to suck. While doing so, my left hand squeezed her right boob. She moaned more loudly now.
Often I bit her nipple with my teeth carefully not to hurt or leave any injury marks. After minutes, I exchanged with her other boob. But this time, my other hand went inside her panty and began to rub her love triangle vigourously.
‘Aaahhhhh....’ this made her release a wild shrill. I felt her pussy warm and moistened. My sucking her boob and rubbing her pussy continued for next five minutes. Then, I pulled down her panty and threw it to where her bras had landed earlier.
I took a few steps away from her and observed her nude body for sometime. She blushed and covered her face with both her hands. I wondered if anyone in the whole world could resist his temptation and morbid sexual desires looking at her now.
She removed her hands and stood tilting her body to left giving a nude side profile of her body. Her posture reminded me of the pose of a nude sexy girl in a big calendar of a liquor company. She seemed to have shaven her pussy recently. I removed my underwear also.
She curiously watched my hot erect cock stood like an arrow on the thread of a bow aimed at a target. I approached again and stood on my knees in front of her. And all hell broke loose when my outstretched tongue touched the soft flesh on her velvet pussy.
I ran my tongue on the length of her pussy. I knew it was difficult to shoot my tongue into her hole in standing position. I made her lay on her back on the bed keeping her legs folded and separated as much as possible.
Then I began to wipe her whole vulva with my tongue from top to bottom. As I did so, she wriggled violently releasing wild moans. I wondered if she felt so much of pleasure by mouthing her pussy, how she would react when she got the real fucking!
I separated her thighs further, raised her buttock a little with my hands and brought the pussy close to my mouth. Then I buried my face into her pussy. I searched the entire area with my tongue the way a blind beggar gropes for a coin on the floor.
I separated her vaginal lips with my fingers, found the clitoris and ran my tongue licking it madly. She writhed her pelvic in extreme pleasures. Her entire pussy became hot, wet and pulsating. Later, I tried to insert my tongue into her hole.
I could not make any progress. I knew she was a virgin alright. The way she made violent body movements with mere touch of my tongue on her hole, I wondered if I had tied her to the bed with a rope she would have broken it.
I began to suck and swallow whatever little drops of her juice oozed out by keeping my mouth glued to her hole. I asked her to secrete more and more. In reply, she asked me to suck hard and I would get it.
Once she thrust her pussy on to my face so wildly that it nearly hurt my nose. Two minutes later, she got up panting and looked at me. Her lust for sex was burning so hot in her eyes I thought even a potato would become half cooked if she looked at it.
She pushed me on to bed and reached for my hot, erect cock. But, my thirst was not yet quenched by sucking her vagina. I told her so. Therefore, she lay on me like the figures 69, keeping her body in opposite direction to mine.
She placed her pussy on to my mouth separating her thighs while she took my cock into her mouth and sucked. Her sucking was so intense that I thought she would take my life out of my body. Simultaneously she was writhing in pleasure as I continued to suck her vagina very hard.
The process of giving and receiving pleasure by sucking continued for a long time. And, suddenly I lost control and pumped out a large quantity of thick, warm milk into her mouth. In extreme pleasure,
I thrust my cock deep into her mouth so that my milk went directly into her throat. She swallowed it eagerly the way she thought there would be more flow of my milk. Once over, she asked me not to check and blow out more milk.
Unable to get any, she became mad and asked me to urinate into her mouth. But I did not do so. She licked my entire cock with her tongue to swallow whatever little milk was left over it. For a minute,
I really wondered if she was the same shy-looking girl I saw a day before sitting next to me in the train! We lay side by side for a little time. I needed some time to erect again. But she was burning with sexual desires.
She became so mad that she started licking my face while I rested for a while. Then, bending over me, she rubbed my whole body with her hanging boobs and massaged all over. I got pleasures when she kept my cock sandwiched between her boobs and pressed.
She could not control her libido even for a minute and she sat on my chest again. I could never imagine a sober looking girl could have this much of sexual urge within her. Keeping her legs and thighs widely apart, she thrust her pussy on to my mouth and implored frantically:
“Oh… lover, please suck my vagina, again and again. Suck out my entire juice and enjoy. I shall secrete more sweet juice for you”. I inserted my tongue into her tunnel, rolled inside and swallowed whatever juice I could get.
Then keeping my mouth tightly pressed on her hole I blew out creating vacuum to extract any juice left. I must say this made her behave like a wild tigress in utmost pleasure. I became aware my cock started to erect again.
I asked her to leave me alone for a few minutes. I went to the adjacent room and sat on the floor to practice the yoga technique to control my mind and body. Later I came back to her. As soon as I entered, she welcomed me showing her pussy keeping her legs widely apart.
I knew I have to fuck her in a hard way to satisfy her. I made her lay on her back keeping her buttock at the edge of the bed with her legs hanging. I placed myself between her legs standing on the floor. I separated her thighs.
Then, I placed the head of my hot erect cock on her hole. I made small thrusts. Nothing happened. I increased the strength and force of my thrusts with the cock. Still nothing happened. I knew it was paining her as her hymen refused to give way.
Then, taking a long, deep breath, I made a violent thrust with my cock. I thought the force was enough to move a rock or drill a hole through an iron plate. She made a violent shrill as my cock tore her hymen and penetrated into her pussy tunnel.
“Oh...my God.... you seemed to have incised my pussy darling, I am feeling a lot of pain”, she yelled. I did not bother to hear or to see what mess I made to her pussy but continued my violent onslaught sending my cock fully inside her.
I thrust to send my cock in and out of her vagina the way we use a pump to fill air into a cycle tyre. I wondered whether she was in heaven or hell as her face reflected both pleasure and pain. After a few minutes of my fucking,
I took my cock out and examined both her pussy and my cock. Yeah, there was a little blood on my cock as well as a little bleeding on her pussy due to breaking of her hymen. I took her to the bathroom, washed her pussy spraying water while she washed my cock.
Her pussy was fine after 3-4 minutes. We returned to bed and I made her lay in the same position. I inserted my cock into her which now went deep inside without hindrance. Now, I started the real assault.
I sent my cock inside with huge thrust of my pelvic the way a drowning man disappears into a whirlpool. In the same action, I took it out to shoot it again violently. Honestly, I admired my own power and the quick succession of driving my cock
deep inside and out of her pussy which would even put the shaft of a railway engine moving at high speed to shame. I saw her feeling in heaven as she moaned fiercely swaying her head sideways. I did not bother about few drops of blood in her pussy
mixed with her juice each time my cock came out. My only aim was to give fullest satisfaction to this tigress on bed. I fucked her that way for nearly five minutes. After that, as my cock went inside her, suddenly she jumped to sit,
held my buttocks with her hands and kept it pressed very hard to her pussy not allowing me to take the cock out of her vagina. She made such a shrill as if of an electric hooter as she crushed my cock inside by tightening with her vaginal muscles.
She nearly fell out of the cot thrusting her pussy forward as if to get my entire body into her vagina. I knew she was reaching climax and orgasm. In a few seconds, she went limp. Soon, I released my yoga technique and within a few more thrusts,
I too climaxed pumping my warm milk into her. Suddenly I became worried if it would cause pregnancy to her. I took my cock out and considered giving a deep douche to her vagina to wash out my seminal fluid.
As I took my cock out, I noticed it smeared with her blood and I also found a flow of blood from her hole. Though it was nothing abnormal, yet I felt sorry if I caused any injury to her. I woke her up from the slumber and told about her bleeding.
She smiled at me and asked if I did not know that it was usual for a woman to menstruate. I released a sigh of relief as she told it was the time for her monthly period and she had, in fact, felt abdominal pain usually associated with the beginning of her menstruation,
during the train journey itself. However, she anxiously asked me if I didn’t intend to fuck her again after sometime. In answer, I took her to the bathroom again, washed both of our genitals only to return to the bed to unite our bodies again into one,
but this time the lovemaking piloted by her. She sat on the wooden table near its edge keeping her legs and thighs widely separated and spread as much as possible. I stood between her thighs. As I manipulated sending my cock into her hole,
she wrapped her legs around my buttocks. I hugged her body tightly while she circled my neck with her hands. I started fucking her while our lips remained locked with each others in a long passionate kiss.
Suddenly, she took off from the table hanging on my body now. This gave her more freedom to make thrusts with her pussy to match and coincide with my thrusts. I held her tightly at the buttocks. Once, I tried to insert my middle finger into her anus while we fucked.
She giggled in extreme pleasures. However, after another 3-4 minutes, she attained orgasm and I too pumped my milk into her tunnel. She offloaded herself from my body and we went to the bathroom again to wash. After that, we retired to bed, fully exhausted.
We decided to sleep for a couple of hours before my taking her to the hostel in the morning. After an hour or so, I suddenly woke up as I felt my cock was being sucked. As I looked at her, I smiled to see her sucking my cock,
still in her deep sleep the way a new-born baby sucked the breast of the mother. My cock erected again and within a few minutes I pumped out more milk into her mouth. I saw her swallowing the milk, still in her sleep.
But I found a trickle of my milk flowing out through the corner of her mouth. I lay back and went to my sleep again. In the early morning, we got up, had a cup of black coffee. Though we wanted to have one more round of lovemaking,
but decided against as her menstrual bleeding was more then. We dressed up and I took her to her place. Her friends were happy and relieved to see she was fine. Yet they teased her with meaningful smiles and queries how she spent her night
in the house of her ‘new-found’ relative she had never told them before. Some of them were really naughty to ask me if I cared to make train journey with them too and… and…. and…. (This story has a supplement as this girl along with one of her friends visited me together later, with prior appointment, for a wonderful 3-some. I shall write about it later).
Sexy Airlines Lady
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Sexy Airlines Lady
Dear Visitors of Human Digest. I am from Tamil nadu and I used to visit this site minimum twice a day and found most of the stories interesting. Here I just wanted to share an unforgettable experience with you all.
I am working as a Director in a Garment export company, which paid me well and provided me with a accommodation, car, bike etc. It all so happened in 1996 and those days I was a bachelor and lived alone in the guesthouse provided by the company.
Once my Chairman from Holland visited India and he had planned a trip of 20 days in Chennai but all of a sudden he got a fax and to leave at the earliest. This happened when they had gone for lunch and on the way back they visited a travel agency
and made a booking for the departure and came back to the company. The chairman insisted me to follow-up the agent for the ticket, else they will let us loose, saying this he gave me the Tel.no. of the travels.
I dialed when it was 2.00p.m and asked for the tickets, the reception lady said that Mrs. Yami deals my chairman’s ticket and connected me to her. When I enquired about the tickets she was checking on the system and in the mean while
she was enquiring abut my profession and me. I patiently answered all her questions and finally she also told me that she had been a real nut to disturb me during the work process, I said its all in the game and
I am such a type that I will always keep relationship strong with all my friends. She asked me how abt my relationship, I said let me think abt it and hanged the phone after collecting all the information.
Every thing went on well and after say 10-15 days I made a call and thanked her for the ticket and information provided by her on the other day. She was very much surprised and she told me that no one had ever called in turn to thank them once they left the office.
I said I am a man of difference. Then after a lot of hesitance she asked me to provide a job for one of the candidate referred by her, I asked her to send me all the details regarding the person to my Factory and gave my Factory address.
That evening (in the mean while telephone no of her home and my residence had been exchanged) to my surprise I received a call from her at my residence and I asked her what made her to call up home,
Immediately she cried stating that she has been married for eight years and she has two children and her husband has spoiled all the money on business and now sitting at home with out any responsibility and she is going for work to support the family.
I said not to worry and I will some how accommodate him with a decent salary in our factory. The same has been conveyed to him I suppose and the immediate response was that he is not interested in going for a work and even a petty shop should be of his own.
If he would have left the speech there itself I wouldn’t have had the opportunity of having fun with gamis but he restricted her from calling me and warned her that if he hears about me again she is killed.
This made her to take a back door access only for me. As days went on we came to know about each other’s family background, studies, personality, looks, taste, likes, dislikes etc., all only during office hours.
Every thing happened only over the phone and we haven’t physically met. As days rolled on we became closer day by day over the phone and in the mean while she said she is a daughter of a millionare and due to infatuation she got married to this guy at the age of 18 and now she is 25.
Her father doesn’t help and mother helps her thru the back door. Some how she managed to get a 24-hour STD/ISD booth opened for him by her mother at a prime location where he has to travel for 45 mins to one hour.
In that also this guy kept some one for the day and he himself took charge in the night. Now she was relaxed a bit and we got time to speak in the nights also, we used to talk about all things in this world and she used to tell me that she should have got married to me.
She also told me that she wanted to see me in person, I said fine and we fixed a day for our meeting. That day was a Saturday and those days having funk is a fashion and I had the same too. I drove to her office and with a eager to know how she looks and all.
I reached her office and peeped in thru the reception door and found two girls on the desk, I was confused and said gami, immediately she came out and shook hands with me, she was tall 5.9 (me 5.6!!!!!!!!!!!) Slim but the curves were very sharp all over.
She was wearing specs that too were looking good on her. We had a chat and I left for my work. In the evenings she gave me a call and said that I am handsome and very nice. We used to talk hours together in the evenings,
she always deviates from the topic sex, when ever I crack a joke she immediately changes the topic to some other subject and when I asked her she said she doesn’t like it. One fine evening we were talking over the phone and it was around 10.00 P.M
I asked her where is her hubby and she said that he had gone to the booth because the night duty person was on leave. I said in turn so I will come there, she said no I asked her why and she said that she wouldn’t leave me if I go there.
Then some how she said that I can come and go, I started off my bike and reached her place parked the bike in a dark place and entered her apartments. She had already instructed me that there is no watchman for their apartments and they reside in the second floor.
She also instructed me that not give a calling bell but the doors will be open slightly and I just have to push them and enter the house. I did and immediately found her behind the door shutting and she took me to the sofa and made me sit on it and watch.
I noticed the house and found the TV on and it was a double bedroom flat with all the animates. In the mean time I glazed at her and she was in her Lycra nighty, which was till her knees. She gave me a cup of milk and sat next to me and we were watching TV for some time fiddling with the hands and caressing the same.
After some time she said that it’s hurting for her to sit for a long time in the sofa and got down on the floor and sat in between my legs leaning her back on my legs. Slowly I started to caress her for head and caressing her cheeks and her chin
I lifted her head by placing my hands on her chin and slowly kissed her on her forehead immediately she closed her eyes and she was becoming hot and hot, I started to place kisses on her cheeks eyes and finally on her lips.
Hope she might be waiting for the same (like a predator waiting to attack its prey,) She immediately grabbed my lips and started to suck like a baby. I got aroused and started to enjoy and started to slide my hands in her nighty and found her bra covering her boobs
and I slowly caressed her boobs with the bra and found her nipples getting harder and harder over the fabric, he started to breath heavily and my hands slided down bending myself even more found her navel which was well shaped and I started to play with the same.
Immediately she got up and asked me whether I wanted her to take of the nighty and I said yes, she started to remove her nighty thru her head and when it went covering her head I sprang and hugged her tightly so that I was feeling the heat of her body and
I could feel the exposed parts of her body thru my hands and face. She said u naughty and she removed the nighty totally and she was looking like a fairy with panties and braziers, I was stunned to look her like that that too in the mild light of the Television,
she was looking like an angel and no one could ever utter that she is a mother of two, so shaped her hips and breasts, legs were like sculpture and the back my god like a slippery rock. The bums were framed that bramma took time to make her.
I slowly approached and hugged her tight I could hear noise of her bones crushed by my hug. And found that I am only to her chest and she is too tall. I was caressing all her back and kissing all her breast with the braziers and found her panty socking wet.
Slowly I removed her braziers and found a lovely pair of breast and I started to tease her by sucking all her breast mount except the nipples she was moaning ands twisting her body rubbing her crotch against mine but I never gave up and
I continued the same for more than a n hour and I move to her nipple. As soon as I got on her nipple with the hand caressing the other she trusted her breast fully into my mouth and asked me to suck it as harder as I can and
I stated to do the same and I sucked so much that the next day morning she called up and said that she got a love bite all over her breast and the pain created by it was giving her pleasure. Doing this for quite some time I carried her to the bed
and made her lie on the bed and started to smooch her and slowly sliding downward I reached her nave and placed a wet kiss on it and she moaned arching her body, I started to play with my tongue on her navel and asked her does she has honey
or jam at home she said yes and left to the kitchen only with her panties it was so wonderful my God you should have thousand eyes to admire her in that costume. She came with a bottle of jam full. I placed some on her navel and
started to eat the same with my tongue and finishing that I moved downwards and pulled her panties down with my teeth she also arched body to help me remove her panties and she immediately covered her vagina with her hands,
I asked her to remove her hands but she said she is shy and she can’t remove her hands, I told her patiently and asked her to remove and she was hesitant for 15 mins or so then suddenly some thing stuck me and
I with one force pulled her both hands and buried my face into her pussy, which she never expected and was still like a statue and I found the time interesting and worked my way with my tongue and teeth by licking and biting her clitt
and I found her legs slowly going apart and giving way for my actions and her relaxing muscles indicated that she is getting into the stream. I slowly lifted my head and asked her how it feel immediately she covered her face with her hands.
I said you know only two things to do with your hands either to hide your pussy or to hide your face she said it is not like that.
---->
Dear Visitors of Human Digest. I am from Tamil nadu and I used to visit this site minimum twice a day and found most of the stories interesting. Here I just wanted to share an unforgettable experience with you all.
I am working as a Director in a Garment export company, which paid me well and provided me with a accommodation, car, bike etc. It all so happened in 1996 and those days I was a bachelor and lived alone in the guesthouse provided by the company.
Once my Chairman from Holland visited India and he had planned a trip of 20 days in Chennai but all of a sudden he got a fax and to leave at the earliest. This happened when they had gone for lunch and on the way back they visited a travel agency
and made a booking for the departure and came back to the company. The chairman insisted me to follow-up the agent for the ticket, else they will let us loose, saying this he gave me the Tel.no. of the travels.
I dialed when it was 2.00p.m and asked for the tickets, the reception lady said that Mrs. Yami deals my chairman’s ticket and connected me to her. When I enquired about the tickets she was checking on the system and in the mean while
she was enquiring abut my profession and me. I patiently answered all her questions and finally she also told me that she had been a real nut to disturb me during the work process, I said its all in the game and
I am such a type that I will always keep relationship strong with all my friends. She asked me how abt my relationship, I said let me think abt it and hanged the phone after collecting all the information.
Every thing went on well and after say 10-15 days I made a call and thanked her for the ticket and information provided by her on the other day. She was very much surprised and she told me that no one had ever called in turn to thank them once they left the office.
I said I am a man of difference. Then after a lot of hesitance she asked me to provide a job for one of the candidate referred by her, I asked her to send me all the details regarding the person to my Factory and gave my Factory address.
That evening (in the mean while telephone no of her home and my residence had been exchanged) to my surprise I received a call from her at my residence and I asked her what made her to call up home,
Immediately she cried stating that she has been married for eight years and she has two children and her husband has spoiled all the money on business and now sitting at home with out any responsibility and she is going for work to support the family.
I said not to worry and I will some how accommodate him with a decent salary in our factory. The same has been conveyed to him I suppose and the immediate response was that he is not interested in going for a work and even a petty shop should be of his own.
If he would have left the speech there itself I wouldn’t have had the opportunity of having fun with gamis but he restricted her from calling me and warned her that if he hears about me again she is killed.
This made her to take a back door access only for me. As days went on we came to know about each other’s family background, studies, personality, looks, taste, likes, dislikes etc., all only during office hours.
Every thing happened only over the phone and we haven’t physically met. As days rolled on we became closer day by day over the phone and in the mean while she said she is a daughter of a millionare and due to infatuation she got married to this guy at the age of 18 and now she is 25.
Her father doesn’t help and mother helps her thru the back door. Some how she managed to get a 24-hour STD/ISD booth opened for him by her mother at a prime location where he has to travel for 45 mins to one hour.
In that also this guy kept some one for the day and he himself took charge in the night. Now she was relaxed a bit and we got time to speak in the nights also, we used to talk about all things in this world and she used to tell me that she should have got married to me.
She also told me that she wanted to see me in person, I said fine and we fixed a day for our meeting. That day was a Saturday and those days having funk is a fashion and I had the same too. I drove to her office and with a eager to know how she looks and all.
I reached her office and peeped in thru the reception door and found two girls on the desk, I was confused and said gami, immediately she came out and shook hands with me, she was tall 5.9 (me 5.6!!!!!!!!!!!) Slim but the curves were very sharp all over.
She was wearing specs that too were looking good on her. We had a chat and I left for my work. In the evenings she gave me a call and said that I am handsome and very nice. We used to talk hours together in the evenings,
she always deviates from the topic sex, when ever I crack a joke she immediately changes the topic to some other subject and when I asked her she said she doesn’t like it. One fine evening we were talking over the phone and it was around 10.00 P.M
I asked her where is her hubby and she said that he had gone to the booth because the night duty person was on leave. I said in turn so I will come there, she said no I asked her why and she said that she wouldn’t leave me if I go there.
Then some how she said that I can come and go, I started off my bike and reached her place parked the bike in a dark place and entered her apartments. She had already instructed me that there is no watchman for their apartments and they reside in the second floor.
She also instructed me that not give a calling bell but the doors will be open slightly and I just have to push them and enter the house. I did and immediately found her behind the door shutting and she took me to the sofa and made me sit on it and watch.
I noticed the house and found the TV on and it was a double bedroom flat with all the animates. In the mean time I glazed at her and she was in her Lycra nighty, which was till her knees. She gave me a cup of milk and sat next to me and we were watching TV for some time fiddling with the hands and caressing the same.
After some time she said that it’s hurting for her to sit for a long time in the sofa and got down on the floor and sat in between my legs leaning her back on my legs. Slowly I started to caress her for head and caressing her cheeks and her chin
I lifted her head by placing my hands on her chin and slowly kissed her on her forehead immediately she closed her eyes and she was becoming hot and hot, I started to place kisses on her cheeks eyes and finally on her lips.
Hope she might be waiting for the same (like a predator waiting to attack its prey,) She immediately grabbed my lips and started to suck like a baby. I got aroused and started to enjoy and started to slide my hands in her nighty and found her bra covering her boobs
and I slowly caressed her boobs with the bra and found her nipples getting harder and harder over the fabric, he started to breath heavily and my hands slided down bending myself even more found her navel which was well shaped and I started to play with the same.
Immediately she got up and asked me whether I wanted her to take of the nighty and I said yes, she started to remove her nighty thru her head and when it went covering her head I sprang and hugged her tightly so that I was feeling the heat of her body and
I could feel the exposed parts of her body thru my hands and face. She said u naughty and she removed the nighty totally and she was looking like a fairy with panties and braziers, I was stunned to look her like that that too in the mild light of the Television,
she was looking like an angel and no one could ever utter that she is a mother of two, so shaped her hips and breasts, legs were like sculpture and the back my god like a slippery rock. The bums were framed that bramma took time to make her.
I slowly approached and hugged her tight I could hear noise of her bones crushed by my hug. And found that I am only to her chest and she is too tall. I was caressing all her back and kissing all her breast with the braziers and found her panty socking wet.
Slowly I removed her braziers and found a lovely pair of breast and I started to tease her by sucking all her breast mount except the nipples she was moaning ands twisting her body rubbing her crotch against mine but I never gave up and
I continued the same for more than a n hour and I move to her nipple. As soon as I got on her nipple with the hand caressing the other she trusted her breast fully into my mouth and asked me to suck it as harder as I can and
I stated to do the same and I sucked so much that the next day morning she called up and said that she got a love bite all over her breast and the pain created by it was giving her pleasure. Doing this for quite some time I carried her to the bed
and made her lie on the bed and started to smooch her and slowly sliding downward I reached her nave and placed a wet kiss on it and she moaned arching her body, I started to play with my tongue on her navel and asked her does she has honey
or jam at home she said yes and left to the kitchen only with her panties it was so wonderful my God you should have thousand eyes to admire her in that costume. She came with a bottle of jam full. I placed some on her navel and
started to eat the same with my tongue and finishing that I moved downwards and pulled her panties down with my teeth she also arched body to help me remove her panties and she immediately covered her vagina with her hands,
I asked her to remove her hands but she said she is shy and she can’t remove her hands, I told her patiently and asked her to remove and she was hesitant for 15 mins or so then suddenly some thing stuck me and
I with one force pulled her both hands and buried my face into her pussy, which she never expected and was still like a statue and I found the time interesting and worked my way with my tongue and teeth by licking and biting her clitt
and I found her legs slowly going apart and giving way for my actions and her relaxing muscles indicated that she is getting into the stream. I slowly lifted my head and asked her how it feel immediately she covered her face with her hands.
I said you know only two things to do with your hands either to hide your pussy or to hide your face she said it is not like that.
---->
How Kareena got role in refugee...
Posted by
ronitvm
/
How Kareena got Refugee
The producer pondered his dilemma, he had promised one part to 2 different actresses, both Aishwarya Rai and Kareena Kapoor. Neither lady was willing to give up the part to the other and had started feuding privately with each other over who deserved it more. At a party hosted by the producer things came to a head at the buffet table as Aishwarya made a disparaging remark about Kareena's dress which led to a confrontation and suddenly both women had their hands in each others hair pulling each other around till they were pulled off of each other screaming and kicking. The producer knew if they fought neither would be in any condition to do his movie and both were just perfect for the part, so thinking furiously he came up with an idea. A private sexfight between the 2 like he had witnessed at a recent private party in L.A. last week. Both women would use their assets trying to make the other come first. The first one to cum would lose the part. At first they both balked at the idea , but upon further reflection both agreed it was the best solution as neither wanted to mar their looks for even a short time.
Before they could change their minds the producer gave then the key to his private bedroom and told them that the winner should come and let him know she would be taking the part. The ladies went up to the room escorted by the butler who was told too wait outside till the battle was over. Both women began to remove their dresses stripping down to their bare essentials before going to the huge round bed that stood in the middle of the spacious bedroom. Kareena looked at her foe with a sly grin, confident she would win easily. Aishwarya was less sure of herself having never done anything like this before, but was more than game to try, really wanting this part badly and ready to go to any lengths to secure it.
Kareena began to stroke Aishwarya's breasts slowly kneading them as Aishwarya copied her move but was a little rougher in her stroking than Kareena. Kareena started to slowly suck on her nipples causing them to get rock hard, which Aishwarya took as a bad omen. She began to treat Kareena's breasts as her various lovers would hers, slowly twisting the nipples between her fingertips over and over ,left and right She was rewarded as Kareena moaned in pleasure, forgetting herself for a moment, then Kareena slowly lowered her hand in retaliation and probed Aishwarya's cunt finding it soaked already. Aishwarya meanwhile was now sucking on Kareena's nipples and tit while kneading her firm ass cheeks, both women still kneeling on the bed facing each other. Kareena was starting to get very hot so she started to finger Aishwarya's clit. Aishwarya was being driven wild now and could feel her self getting closer and closer to an orgasm as Kareena too seemed to be in trouble.
She was trying to stay in control but, Aishwarya's expert use of her tongue on her tits was dooming her to defeat faster and faster. The pace was wild now as both girls were trying to turn the other on even more. Kareena was groaning loudly, a twisted look of pleasure and concentration on her lovely face Her sensitive nipples engorged with blood as she fought her own body trying to hold out. Aishwarya was even worse off, she was panting faster and faster as Kareena played with her clit and stroked her tits and nipples. Kareena's breathe was raged and getting faster as moans of pleasure began to escape from her mouth, but it was Aishwarya who came first screaming in pleasure as her orgasm washed over her in waves, screaming out again and again as each one racked her body, than realizing she had lost, she cried out.
Watching Kareena, eyes closed enjoying her orgasm Aishwarya decided all bets were off and removing her hands from Kareena's body she cocked her right fist back and slammed it into the unsuspecting Kareena's jaw, knocking her on her back with a cry of pain, stunned. Aishwarya straddled her and began to treat her tits to a savage mauling, ripping her nails down the front of them, then clasping them from the underside digging her nails in and twisting them roughly left and right as Kareena screamed out in agony and grabbed her wrists trying to free her chest. After a furious struggle Aishwarya's left hand was pulled from the right breast but escaping Kareena grasp she reached around her back and grabbed a handful of cunt hair and ripped mightily. Kareena screeched loudly as Aishwarya helped herself to another handful. Kareena abandoned trying to free her left boob, instead, attacking Aishwarya's with her fists. As the first blow hit Aishwarya she moaned in pain, the second shot to her other tit eliciting a scream as she reached back in retaliation and slammed her fist repeatedly into Kareena's defenseless cunt till Kareena, crying out in pure agony, was forced to shriek out her surrender.
Not yet finished, Aishwarya asked her who was getting the part, punching her in the right tit hard when Kareena did not immediately respond. Kareena reached up and tried to pull Aishwarya off her, but she was not strong enough.( this happened before Kareena started working out regularly) Finally Kareena said she had the part and Aishwarya slammed her cunt 3 more times for good measure, then gave each boob a clawed hand slap, her nails slamming into the side of each breast as Kareena screamed anew.
Aishwarya climbed off of a sobbing Kareena and walked to the door picking up her clothes as she went to exit and tell the producer she would be taking the part. She was in the producers den ready to sign on the dotted line, the producer not having any idea what had happened, when the door crashed open and there stood a disheveled, teary eyed Kareena Kapoor in her birthday suit her breasts scratched up and cunt hair half pulled out, a black and blue bruise on her jaw, red faced and furious.
She screamed obscenities at Aishwarya rushing at her sitting in the chair and pulling the chair over spilling Aishwarya on the floor. A foot to the chest followed by a foot to the stomach had Aishwarya stunned, then Kareena grabbed her by the hair and dragged her up, planting a right hook in her cunt as Aishwarya screamed falling to her knees her hair still in Kareena's hands. Kareena slammed her head to the floor by the hair then got down next to her and wrapped her sexy gams around Aishwarya's chest, crushing her small chest between her powerful legs as she twisted Aishwarya head back and forth by the hair. She held her there for 5 minutes as Aishwarya struggled frantically to free herself, the scissors crushing the breathe from her, making it almost impossible to breathe. Kareena suddenly raised the scissors hold to her neck and rammed her face into her cunt demanding she eat it or else.
When Aishwarya did not comply right away, she reached down and grabbing the nipple, twisted her right tit savagely, till she felt Aishwarya's tongue inside her licking on her clit. After she come in Aishwarya's face a few times she released her scissors and stood up, planting her foot across her defeated foes chest as she ground her toe nails into the tit flesh, much to Aishwarya' horror and pain. Sobbing uncontrollably, her right tit feeling like it's going to explode in pain, Aishwarya was forced to give the part to Kareena, but silently vowed to get her revenge on this bitch, even though she was the one who first started the catfight. The rest is history as they say, Kareena becoming the new Refugee.
--->
The producer pondered his dilemma, he had promised one part to 2 different actresses, both Aishwarya Rai and Kareena Kapoor. Neither lady was willing to give up the part to the other and had started feuding privately with each other over who deserved it more. At a party hosted by the producer things came to a head at the buffet table as Aishwarya made a disparaging remark about Kareena's dress which led to a confrontation and suddenly both women had their hands in each others hair pulling each other around till they were pulled off of each other screaming and kicking. The producer knew if they fought neither would be in any condition to do his movie and both were just perfect for the part, so thinking furiously he came up with an idea. A private sexfight between the 2 like he had witnessed at a recent private party in L.A. last week. Both women would use their assets trying to make the other come first. The first one to cum would lose the part. At first they both balked at the idea , but upon further reflection both agreed it was the best solution as neither wanted to mar their looks for even a short time.
Before they could change their minds the producer gave then the key to his private bedroom and told them that the winner should come and let him know she would be taking the part. The ladies went up to the room escorted by the butler who was told too wait outside till the battle was over. Both women began to remove their dresses stripping down to their bare essentials before going to the huge round bed that stood in the middle of the spacious bedroom. Kareena looked at her foe with a sly grin, confident she would win easily. Aishwarya was less sure of herself having never done anything like this before, but was more than game to try, really wanting this part badly and ready to go to any lengths to secure it.
Kareena began to stroke Aishwarya's breasts slowly kneading them as Aishwarya copied her move but was a little rougher in her stroking than Kareena. Kareena started to slowly suck on her nipples causing them to get rock hard, which Aishwarya took as a bad omen. She began to treat Kareena's breasts as her various lovers would hers, slowly twisting the nipples between her fingertips over and over ,left and right She was rewarded as Kareena moaned in pleasure, forgetting herself for a moment, then Kareena slowly lowered her hand in retaliation and probed Aishwarya's cunt finding it soaked already. Aishwarya meanwhile was now sucking on Kareena's nipples and tit while kneading her firm ass cheeks, both women still kneeling on the bed facing each other. Kareena was starting to get very hot so she started to finger Aishwarya's clit. Aishwarya was being driven wild now and could feel her self getting closer and closer to an orgasm as Kareena too seemed to be in trouble.
She was trying to stay in control but, Aishwarya's expert use of her tongue on her tits was dooming her to defeat faster and faster. The pace was wild now as both girls were trying to turn the other on even more. Kareena was groaning loudly, a twisted look of pleasure and concentration on her lovely face Her sensitive nipples engorged with blood as she fought her own body trying to hold out. Aishwarya was even worse off, she was panting faster and faster as Kareena played with her clit and stroked her tits and nipples. Kareena's breathe was raged and getting faster as moans of pleasure began to escape from her mouth, but it was Aishwarya who came first screaming in pleasure as her orgasm washed over her in waves, screaming out again and again as each one racked her body, than realizing she had lost, she cried out.
Watching Kareena, eyes closed enjoying her orgasm Aishwarya decided all bets were off and removing her hands from Kareena's body she cocked her right fist back and slammed it into the unsuspecting Kareena's jaw, knocking her on her back with a cry of pain, stunned. Aishwarya straddled her and began to treat her tits to a savage mauling, ripping her nails down the front of them, then clasping them from the underside digging her nails in and twisting them roughly left and right as Kareena screamed out in agony and grabbed her wrists trying to free her chest. After a furious struggle Aishwarya's left hand was pulled from the right breast but escaping Kareena grasp she reached around her back and grabbed a handful of cunt hair and ripped mightily. Kareena screeched loudly as Aishwarya helped herself to another handful. Kareena abandoned trying to free her left boob, instead, attacking Aishwarya's with her fists. As the first blow hit Aishwarya she moaned in pain, the second shot to her other tit eliciting a scream as she reached back in retaliation and slammed her fist repeatedly into Kareena's defenseless cunt till Kareena, crying out in pure agony, was forced to shriek out her surrender.
Not yet finished, Aishwarya asked her who was getting the part, punching her in the right tit hard when Kareena did not immediately respond. Kareena reached up and tried to pull Aishwarya off her, but she was not strong enough.( this happened before Kareena started working out regularly) Finally Kareena said she had the part and Aishwarya slammed her cunt 3 more times for good measure, then gave each boob a clawed hand slap, her nails slamming into the side of each breast as Kareena screamed anew.
Aishwarya climbed off of a sobbing Kareena and walked to the door picking up her clothes as she went to exit and tell the producer she would be taking the part. She was in the producers den ready to sign on the dotted line, the producer not having any idea what had happened, when the door crashed open and there stood a disheveled, teary eyed Kareena Kapoor in her birthday suit her breasts scratched up and cunt hair half pulled out, a black and blue bruise on her jaw, red faced and furious.
She screamed obscenities at Aishwarya rushing at her sitting in the chair and pulling the chair over spilling Aishwarya on the floor. A foot to the chest followed by a foot to the stomach had Aishwarya stunned, then Kareena grabbed her by the hair and dragged her up, planting a right hook in her cunt as Aishwarya screamed falling to her knees her hair still in Kareena's hands. Kareena slammed her head to the floor by the hair then got down next to her and wrapped her sexy gams around Aishwarya's chest, crushing her small chest between her powerful legs as she twisted Aishwarya head back and forth by the hair. She held her there for 5 minutes as Aishwarya struggled frantically to free herself, the scissors crushing the breathe from her, making it almost impossible to breathe. Kareena suddenly raised the scissors hold to her neck and rammed her face into her cunt demanding she eat it or else.
When Aishwarya did not comply right away, she reached down and grabbing the nipple, twisted her right tit savagely, till she felt Aishwarya's tongue inside her licking on her clit. After she come in Aishwarya's face a few times she released her scissors and stood up, planting her foot across her defeated foes chest as she ground her toe nails into the tit flesh, much to Aishwarya' horror and pain. Sobbing uncontrollably, her right tit feeling like it's going to explode in pain, Aishwarya was forced to give the part to Kareena, but silently vowed to get her revenge on this bitch, even though she was the one who first started the catfight. The rest is history as they say, Kareena becoming the new Refugee.
--->
CD shopping humping experience
Posted by
ronitvm
/
CD shopping humping experience.
He was standing near to me in the empty cd shop. He was about 45 year old, handsome, and fat guy with jelly belly. We were standing at one empty corner. He looked at me and spread his eyes allover my body. I stared back and smiled at him.
That was enough, he walked close to me. He grabbed me close to him and presented deep French kiss. I was shocked and stunned, It was hot and yummy. I opposed him for a while, but he stared back at me. He dragged my lips to his mouth, sucked and crunched them.
He was giving me pleasure and my lips are becoming numb, it felt so good. My lips felt fumbled in his mouth, I feel heaven. I was not surprised with his attitude as he already showed some symbols of homo earlier days. I was one of his regular customers in his cd shop.
It took only a split second he put out his big penis and made me to swallow it. I defended his deeds. He stand still, looked at my eyes. His eyes was so gifted that it spread his desires. Then I decided to blow his big penis. It was big, long dark and erected.
His penis head was rose in color and was flushed with his precum. I sat down in my knees and grabbed his cock in my right hand, stocked it for some time and the dragged my mouth towards its tip. I swallowed the penis tip and my lips get wet by his precum.
It was juicy, salty but sweet. He was in a hurry as he grabbed his hands through my hair, and pushed his hardcore in. The joy was different from that of masturbating. He pulled his cock harder and deeper in my mouth. It was difficult for me to breathe as my moans get whisper.
His soft cock nerves started numbing my lips. I was getting restless and I pushed him to pull out his cock. But he grabbed me tight and his actions got more pulse. Finally I succeeded to drew back my gob from his nasty dick. I coughed a while and spit out there.
I was exhausted and my heartbeat was at top level. I sat down the floor and relaxed a while, I saw he was still masturbating his dark penis. My penis was getting restless in, as it was already erected and wet. I was thinking for masturbation,
but decided to go home as quickly as possible. He wakes me up and accompanied me to the sofa near to the main room. It was getting dark and I was eager to go home. I told him that I’m wishing to go home. He promised me that he will drop me to my home.
It was 7 pm and I get feared to get soon. He sat near to me in the cushioned chair. I was feeling shy as well as nervous. He touched my shoulder and told me to relax. He asked me that it will cause you nothing but pleasure only.
I was satisfied with his answer and feel secure sitting with him. Slowly he started to remove his trousers. He compelled me to lay down on the sofa. I was facing the floor and was unable to notice his steps. My heart beats raced and getting sweat all over the body.
He drive his hands to my bottom and gently squeezed it. I showed no offence and enjoyed it with closed eyes. Suddenly I felt his cock hitting my buttock. He pushed his cock around my boms and and curled them. I was getting aggressive and uncontrollable.
Soon he started to undress my bottom. He dragged down my trouser to the knee level. Then he pulled down my sweaty underwear. Nothing happened for while. Then he slowly separated my legs apart, his sweaty hands hold my but cheeks and pushed one finger inside my anus.
I was getting obsessed, but he drew his finger in and out several time. My controls all break out and I moaned like a kid. He was very happy to hear my groan. He pulled out his finger, and licked my buds. I was getting madden and was shaking my bottom here and there.
This time he hold my but cheeks and separated them. I feel his wet cock scratching my tender pink pucker ass. He digged his black cock inside my buttock partially and a sudden spark drew through my body. He pushed his cock hard with a wild cry.
It was very painful and I cried to stop it. My entire body trembled as the tip of his cock into the slimy slit of my piss hole. He compelled me to hold a while but it was too much annoying for me that I pushed him down and stood up. Re dressed quickly, and ran out of the shop.
He was calling me back but I never stopped. This was my first real sex encounter. I don't know how many time he had sex with other males. But it was a unforgettable moment in my life. After the incident I was very much glassy minded as I got rid from a great danger.
He was standing near to me in the empty cd shop. He was about 45 year old, handsome, and fat guy with jelly belly. We were standing at one empty corner. He looked at me and spread his eyes allover my body. I stared back and smiled at him.
That was enough, he walked close to me. He grabbed me close to him and presented deep French kiss. I was shocked and stunned, It was hot and yummy. I opposed him for a while, but he stared back at me. He dragged my lips to his mouth, sucked and crunched them.
He was giving me pleasure and my lips are becoming numb, it felt so good. My lips felt fumbled in his mouth, I feel heaven. I was not surprised with his attitude as he already showed some symbols of homo earlier days. I was one of his regular customers in his cd shop.
It took only a split second he put out his big penis and made me to swallow it. I defended his deeds. He stand still, looked at my eyes. His eyes was so gifted that it spread his desires. Then I decided to blow his big penis. It was big, long dark and erected.
His penis head was rose in color and was flushed with his precum. I sat down in my knees and grabbed his cock in my right hand, stocked it for some time and the dragged my mouth towards its tip. I swallowed the penis tip and my lips get wet by his precum.
It was juicy, salty but sweet. He was in a hurry as he grabbed his hands through my hair, and pushed his hardcore in. The joy was different from that of masturbating. He pulled his cock harder and deeper in my mouth. It was difficult for me to breathe as my moans get whisper.
His soft cock nerves started numbing my lips. I was getting restless and I pushed him to pull out his cock. But he grabbed me tight and his actions got more pulse. Finally I succeeded to drew back my gob from his nasty dick. I coughed a while and spit out there.
I was exhausted and my heartbeat was at top level. I sat down the floor and relaxed a while, I saw he was still masturbating his dark penis. My penis was getting restless in, as it was already erected and wet. I was thinking for masturbation,
but decided to go home as quickly as possible. He wakes me up and accompanied me to the sofa near to the main room. It was getting dark and I was eager to go home. I told him that I’m wishing to go home. He promised me that he will drop me to my home.
It was 7 pm and I get feared to get soon. He sat near to me in the cushioned chair. I was feeling shy as well as nervous. He touched my shoulder and told me to relax. He asked me that it will cause you nothing but pleasure only.
I was satisfied with his answer and feel secure sitting with him. Slowly he started to remove his trousers. He compelled me to lay down on the sofa. I was facing the floor and was unable to notice his steps. My heart beats raced and getting sweat all over the body.
He drive his hands to my bottom and gently squeezed it. I showed no offence and enjoyed it with closed eyes. Suddenly I felt his cock hitting my buttock. He pushed his cock around my boms and and curled them. I was getting aggressive and uncontrollable.
Soon he started to undress my bottom. He dragged down my trouser to the knee level. Then he pulled down my sweaty underwear. Nothing happened for while. Then he slowly separated my legs apart, his sweaty hands hold my but cheeks and pushed one finger inside my anus.
I was getting obsessed, but he drew his finger in and out several time. My controls all break out and I moaned like a kid. He was very happy to hear my groan. He pulled out his finger, and licked my buds. I was getting madden and was shaking my bottom here and there.
This time he hold my but cheeks and separated them. I feel his wet cock scratching my tender pink pucker ass. He digged his black cock inside my buttock partially and a sudden spark drew through my body. He pushed his cock hard with a wild cry.
It was very painful and I cried to stop it. My entire body trembled as the tip of his cock into the slimy slit of my piss hole. He compelled me to hold a while but it was too much annoying for me that I pushed him down and stood up. Re dressed quickly, and ran out of the shop.
He was calling me back but I never stopped. This was my first real sex encounter. I don't know how many time he had sex with other males. But it was a unforgettable moment in my life. After the incident I was very much glassy minded as I got rid from a great danger.
Emotional needs
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Joke: Emotional needs
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
But then the wife suddenly stops and says “I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
“WHAT!?” says her husband.
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can`t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 dollars each.
The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says “You don`t even play tennis, but if you like it then let`s get it.”
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, “I`m ready to go, let`s go to the cashier.”
The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now.” The wife`s face goes blank. “Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, “You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
A husband and wife are getting all snugly in bed. The passion is heating up as it sometimes does.
But then the wife suddenly stops and says “I don`t feel like it, I just want you to hold me.”
“WHAT!?” says her husband.
The wife explains that he must be in tune with her emotional needs as a Woman. He realizes that nothing is going to happen tonight and he might as well deal with it.
The next day the husband takes her shopping at a big department store. He walks around and has her try on three very expensive outfits. She can`t decide. He tells his wife to take all three of them. They head to the shoe department and pick up matching shoes worth 200 dollars each.
The pair go to the jewelry department where she finds a set of diamond earrings that her husband agrees to buy for her. The wife is so excited. She thinks her husband has flipped out - but she doesn`t care. She goes for the matching tennis bracelet. The husband says “You don`t even play tennis, but if you like it then let`s get it.”
The wife is jumping up and down so excited she cannot even believe what is going on. She says to her husband, “I`m ready to go, let`s go to the cashier.”
The husband stops and says, “No, honey I don`t feel like buying all this stuff now.” The wife`s face goes blank. “Honey - I just want you to HOLD this stuff for a while.”
The look on her face is indescribable and she is about to explode as her husband says, “You must be in tune with my financial needs as a Man.”
Man killing rooster
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Joke: Man killing rooster
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.
The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
---->
A man was driving down a quiet country lane when out into the road strayed a rooster. Whack! The rooster disappeared under the car in a cloud of feathers.
Shaken, the man pulled over at the farmhouse and rang the doorbell. A farmer appeared.
The man somewhat nervously said, "I think I killed your rooster, please allow me to replace him." "Suit yourself," the farmer replied, "the hens are round the back."
---->
Woman with eight children
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Joke: Woman with eight children
A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, “Johnnie”.
“Right”, he said, “what about that blond one over there?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Are all your boys called Johnnie?” he asked, “Isn`t that terribly complicated?”
“Not at all”, she said, “it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.”
“I see. But what if you want only one of them?”
“No problem.” she answers. Then I call them by their surnames.”
---------->
A woman had 8 children, all of them boys. So, one day a magazine sent a journalist to her house for an interview.
He asked her about the boys and what their names were; she said, “Johnnie”.
“Right”, he said, “what about that blond one over there?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Oh, and the tall one with the freckles?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Well, and the little chubby one with the baseball cap?”
“Johnnie”, she said.
“Are all your boys called Johnnie?” he asked, “Isn`t that terribly complicated?”
“Not at all”, she said, “it makes everything very easy, actually. When I shout: Johnnie, tea is ready!, they all come. When I say: Johnnie, it`s time for bed!, they all go to bed.”
“I see. But what if you want only one of them?”
“No problem.” she answers. Then I call them by their surnames.”
---------->
The New Mens Thesaurus
Posted by
ronitvm
on Friday, January 4, 2008
/
Joke: The New Mens Thesaurus
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
----->
"I'M GOING FISHING"
Means: "I'm going to drink myself dangerously stupid, and stand by a stream with a stick in my hand, while the fish swim by in complete safety."
IT'S A GUY THING"
Means: "There is no rational thought pattern connected with it, and you have no chance at all of making it logical".
"CAN I HELP WITH DINNER?"
Means: "Why isn't it already on the table?"
"UH HUH," "SURE, HONEY," OR "YES, DEAR..."
Means: Absolutely nothing. It's a conditioned response.
"IT WOULD TAKE TOO LONG TO EXPLAIN"
Means: "I have no idea how it works."
"I WAS LISTENING TO YOU. IT'S JUST THAT I HAVE THINGS ON MY MIND."
Means: "I was wondering if that redhead over there is wearing a bra."
"TAKE A BREAK HONEY, YOU'RE WORKING TOO HARD".
Means: "I can't hear the game over the vacuum cleaner."
"THAT'S INTERESTING, DEAR."
Means: "Are you still talking?"
"YOU KNOW HOW BAD MY MEMORY IS."
Means: "I remember the theme song to 'F Troop', the address of the first girl I ever kissed, and the vehicle identification numbers of every car I've ever owned, but I forgot your birthday."
"I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT YOU, AND GOT YOU THESE ROSES".
Means: "The girl selling them on the corner was a real babe."
"OH, DON'T FUSS, I JUST CUT MYSELF, IT'S NO BIG DEAL."
Means: "I have actually severed a limb, but will bleed to death before I admit that I'm hurt."
"HEY, I'VE GOT MY REASONS FOR WHAT I'M DOING".
Means: "And I sure hope I think of some pretty soon."
"I CAN'T FIND IT."
Means: "It didn't fall into my outstretched hands, so I'm completely clueless."
"WHAT DID I DO THIS TIME?"
Means: "What did you catch me at?"
"I HEARD YOU."
"I haven't the foggiest clue what you just said, and am hoping desperately that I can fake it well enough so that you don't spend the next 3 days yelling at me."
"YOU KNOW I COULD NEVER LOVE ANYONE ELSE."
Means: "I am used to the way you yell at me, and realize it could be worse."
"YOU LOOK TERRIFIC."
Means: "Please don't try on one more outfit, I'm starving."
"I'M NOT LOST. I KNOW EXACTLY WHERE WE ARE."
Means: "No one will ever see us alive again."
"WE SHARE THE HOUSEWORK."
Means: "I make the messes, she cleans them up."
----->
Man - I Am Glad I Am A Man
Posted by
ronitvm
/
Joke: Man - I Am Glad I Am A Man
Everyday I give thanks to God
I was born a man instead of a broad
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
I use my turn signal, I understand sports
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't go through a faze every 28 days
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail
I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
Let me tell you ladies
Listen to me ladies
I love those things inside of your blouse
I love your pretty faces
Your warm and soft embraces
But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house
I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate
When someone asks me my age, I never lie
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin
Man, I'm glad I'm a man!
---->
Everyday I give thanks to God
I was born a man instead of a broad
When Oprah comes on, I turn off the TV
I don't shave my legs, I stand up to pee
I go to a barber, not a beauty salon
Don't pluck out my eyebrows just to draw them back on
Don't wax my pubes so I can wear shorts
I use my turn signal, I understand sports
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't go through a faze every 28 days
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
I pay cash at the grocery, no checks or coupons
Don't take a lot of friends when I go the the john
I don't throw a fit when I break a nail
I don't buy a lot of shoes just because they're on sale
I don't apply makeup in my rear-view mirror
I don't think of Bambi when I'm out hunting deer
I drink beer from a bottle, not from a glass
I don't ask my friends about the size of my ass
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't face the pain of water-weight gain
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
Let me tell you ladies
Listen to me ladies
I love those things inside of your blouse
I love your pretty faces
Your warm and soft embraces
But if I had my own two boobs, I'd never leave the house
I don't spend two hours getting ready for a date
I don't play with dolls unless they inflate
When someone asks me my age, I never lie
After sex in bed, my spot's always dry
I don't read about orgasms in Vogue magazines
I don't mind if my dates try to get in my jeans
I don't spend a fortune on French lingerie
This is the same underwear I wore yesterday
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I don't take a pill, I don't use Massengill
Man, I'm glad I'm a man
Man, I'm glad I'm a man, man
Tell you the reason I am
I find Michael Bolton completely revoltin
Man, I'm glad I'm a man!
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